under a pink sky

to read my blog update to my new website address!

2010-05-26T15:25:00.002-04:00

read my blog
visit the wishstudio

hang out in the cafe discussion boards
find links in the inspiration lounge
sign op for a workshop
follow the necklace project
read the wishmamas series
and so much more!

http://mindysblog.wishstudio.com/

to day is moving day!

2010-04-11T12:59:00.005-04:00

it's finally time! head on over to wishstudio.com
to visit the new studio and find the new home
of under a pink sky...

see you in the studio!

the (un)glamorous life

2010-04-08T10:42:00.006-04:00

this is the scene yesterday from my studio. it's overflowing with my art goodies, wish*full retreat packages, things for the baby, and lots of lists, papers, and things to do. this is quite often how i spend my creative time... amidst the messiness and the excitement of everything swirling around me.

the new website is coming along. it's taking a bit longer than planned and i've decided to just let it go and have faith in the process. bringing this project to fruition feels similar to birthing a child into the world... you want to control every aspect, but you simply can't. you can only try for the best outcome, and then the universe takes over :)

it was unusually hot, summer-like weather which cast a hectic and strange spell on the day. the baby was off schedule, big brother was not quite himself, and bedtime came hours past due. it was a makeshift day from beginning to end, so we put together the pieces as we went. within the chaos we still found joy and somehow it all worked out.

yes. it will all work out.

evidence

2010-04-05T10:12:00.004-04:00

yup. the easter bunny was here

and we followed his trail

at 6:45 am

and decided he must have had pancakes for breakfast

because his paws were covered in flour!

silly bunny :)

i think i can... i think i can...

2010-04-02T19:31:00.008-04:00

it's been work, work, work for me here lately. luckily i love my work, but i'm starting to feel it a little as i try to keep all the balls in the air. i've been forgoing downtime to push through my to do list. it's like the last leg of the race... the hardest part. you know the finish line is right over this last hill, but it feels like a mountain.

i was once told i would move mountains. (whew) off i go!

a letter to my guardian art angel

2010-03-31T13:51:00.009-04:00

postcard from katy {from suzanne's swap}

dear frida,

someone recently told me that you are my guardian art angel, since you literally have been showing up on my doorstep and in my life over and over these days... how blessed am i? so i am writing you this letter in hopes that you might help me whisper these words to the universe and humbly shine upon me a bit of your great inspiration and strength.

on the verge of some very big art dreams coming to life, all is very quiet and still today. while i am grateful for the calm as i busy with my work, small inklings of doubt and worry have settled into the cracks. do you know this feeling? i know it is the pangs of growing, and i know it means i am on the right path, but it is also a little unsettling too.

so i want to take a moment to send out to you and to this wide universe huge armloads of gratitude for all the blessing in my life. i want to sprinkle them across the sky like stars, because gratitude always quells the fear. i promise to always be grounded in this. to feel grace and have faith in it all, even when i'm afraid and unsure. because i also feel purpose and fire, and i am so grateful for that.

thank you for for your beautiful wisdom as i don my wings and prepare to take flight.

love (deep breaths) and gratitude, mindy

"feet, what do i need you for when i have wings to fly?"

~ frida kahlo

poetry museum :: ode to wings

2010-03-29T15:51:00.015-04:00

my son was asked to bring something into school today from nature to add to a "poetry museum" that the kids are creating in class... a display of beautiful natural objects that will inspire them to wax poetic! i love this idea, and i love imagining all the lovely little treasures that made their way into the classroom, and in turn all the lovely little poems that will be crafted because of them.

he brought in a little stash of butterfly wings i had saved up in my studio. we collected them a few years back out in the bird sanctuary one afternoon while exploring. we learned that after the monarchs have hatched, the birds delightfully dine on them but leave behind the wings. little black and gold wings were strewn all around the ground, so i collected them like tiny treasures to use in my art. while some have found their way into paintings and others onto cards or other projects, i was happy to send along the last of these to inspire little budding poets.

seemed perfectly fitting (and poetic) to send my little boy in with wings!

photo credit, landscapedesigns.co.nz

things to share

2010-03-26T08:41:00.012-04:00

* i signed my first autograph :) made me feel like a rock star even if it was for a sweet friend!

* the baby is almost signing (he's done it a few times!) and knows "more" and "eat" and "all done". what else do you need? big brother signed his first word around this age too, "milk" and came to know about 50 words by 18 months! once he started talking all bets were off, but it's so great to see his interest re-emerge for his little brother. it's incredible to be able to communitcate with tiny little people in this way. language and words fascinate me. i still sign "potty" and "please" and "thank you" and even "no" as silent reminders every now and then. works so well across a crowded room.

* i'm going to the inaugural creative connections event in minneapolis next fall to meet up with fabulous creative women, take inspiring art classes, and attend great panel discussions to help me grow my creative business. it's going to be a wonderful experience! i can't wait and totally think you should go too. i'd love to meet you there :)

* it's day 12 of my forray into veggiedom. it's been an interesting journey for sure (with a small cheat yesterday - a bite of my husbands reuben). i've got 5 days left, then i'll decide what changes i am going to stick with.

* hubby and big brother are off tomorrow on a weekend road trip to new york to visit some friends (and their yummy chocolate shop. my son has visions of willy wonka ;) so it will be just me and the baby hanging out here snuggling and work, work, working away. so much to do!

* i am putting together an interview for erin and kristin of the manic mommies podcast. it's going to be a fun spin on their show where they will be the guests, and i will be their guest host (how did i get so lucky?). i'm so excited to ask all the questions i've wanted to know over the past few years as a listener... how do they do it all? stay tuned. i'll have a portion of this interview in the wishstudio with a link to the actual podcast when it airs. check out real simple's blog, where they are contributors as well. see what i mean?

* this sweet little mention about the wishstudio, that made my heart swell :)

in my garden of motherhood and creativity

2010-03-24T15:03:00.004-04:00

i have finally written and shared my wishmamas story over in the wishstudio. it has taken me a long time (a lot longer than i expected) to be able to open up and share this, as it is a very tender place for me to go. i think i began hosting the series last spring to help me find my own brave mama voice. thank you all for shedding light on your own stories, so that i could embrace and share mine.

history repeating

2010-03-22T08:00:00.007-04:00

i believe that certain things, important things, keep showing up in your life until you get them right. these are the things that materialize as struggle and resistance, but at the same time are so familiar like an old and nagging ache. they are familiar because you've had a go at them many times before, and you didn't make the progress that you needed to to move on. so once again, the issue presents itself with an uncomfortable urgency saying... "here's another chance!".

we all have these recurring themes. they are big chunks of emotional work that i think we are meant to accomplish in our lives, and without digging deep enough we fall short. falling short may not mean that your life is failing, but i think not addressing these issues seriously inhibits your ability to be authentically and deeply happy.

i think with any deep seeded emotional work, it's not ever easy or clear what the answers are or even what direction to go in to begin. i think there are twists and turns and a lot of ground to cover. it's scary and often difficult terrain.

i'm amidst some of these in my life right now, and it's not surprising to me that they have shown up at my door. i think in times when you are on the cusp of really growing and changing (for the better), it is also time for these things to resurface and demand your attention again. it reminds me of the super mario game my 6 year old is playing... you can't move on to the next level until you have successfully completed all challenges in the one you are on. it's as simple and as difficult as that.

i think with some of these we become so good at avoiding. we find ways to cope without really having to do the work, because the work is hard and threatening and pointing you in an unknown direction. i'm taking some time and space to really examine some of these as they sit here in front of me. i know it is work only i can do. while i can garner advice and support, it is only me who can ultimately make the change that is needed for me to move forward.

i'm strengthened by knowing i have the past to direct me, as i know what hasn't worked. i know i have the future in my favor as well, as there will always be another chance. this time though, i am thinking i want to get it right. it's exhausting to put energy into staying stuck simply because that is what is familiar.

i really want to get to the next level.

veggie tales {day 5}

2010-03-19T16:11:00.005-04:00

yummy spring salad:

spring mix and baby spinach
1/2 apple, sliced thin
blue cheese crumbles
cashews
orzo
your favorite dressing

it's been a fairly easy transition to a meat free lifestyle. much easier than i thought it would be. to eat with intention has been an interesting shift. it feels different than to diet. less constrained and certainly more empowering. it has felt good to honor myself in this way, and i've actually enjoyed staying off the meat.

i've noticed some subtle shifts. i'm more sensitive to the coffee i drink. i can feel cravings for good things like water and spinach. i'm not focused on what i want to eat and only think about it when i am hungry. i can feel when i'm full and feel less desiring of comfort from eating and filling up with food. i'm feeling full from other things in my life :)

tomorrow i planned to start my cleanse, but i forgot i will be away at a food filled event most the day. so i have decided to not stress myselft about it, and wait one extra day to begin the next phase. i'll continue on my veggie way tomorrow, and plan for an even cleaner approach to nourishing myself come sunday.

so far, so good!

everywhere, signs of spring

2010-03-18T15:20:00.004-04:00

hooray for spring-like days! the shifting, clear and yellow light, the opening of doors and windows, lots of chattering birds in the morning, gentle light in the evening, tiny buds on the trees filled with promises, afternoons at the park and a first time on the swing, hours spent turning over rocks in search of little crawly things, time to warm a mama's bones in the sun... it couldn't have come soon enough!

my personal faith :: notes from the past few days

2010-03-17T10:09:00.004-04:00

you can not have...
~
fear without passion
~
darkness without light
~
sorrow without knowing joy
~
disappointment without fulfillment
~
need without desire
~
wanting without hope
~
pain without growth
~
challenges without vision
~
loss without having
~
death without life
~
life without love

dreaming of sunny skies, and veggie tales {day 1}

2010-03-15T12:54:00.009-04:00

it's been raining nonstop here since friday. there are pots and buckets strategically place throughout my house to catch all the leaks that have sprung up. my son was completely soaked walking to the bus this morning so i ended up (drying his coat, clothes, and tears) and driving him to school. there was a health scare in the family this weekend, and a close family friend sadly passed away, so there are those dark clouds too. in addition, my email crashed and i lost all my correspondence from the past week, so i am still bailing out from that as well...

i am in desperate need of some sunshine!

i'd settle simply for a dry day. you know, the kind where i can sit on my couch and not get dripped on.

spring, where are you?

i've been feeling really weighted down and out of balance lately, in my body and in my soul. just heavy and yucky, nothing really serious as life has mostly been good and full. maybe too full. so inspired by my daring friend, i've decided to go veggie just for a while, til i feel a little clearer. maybe it will be the catalyst for the lightening that i'm craviing. i think clearing out is a great way to create space and is an open invitation for different and new energy to come in.

my plan is to go 16 days, til the end of march... the frst 5 days i'm going to simply focus on not eating meat and not worry too much about what it ia i am eating, like the two mini peanutbutter cups i just had - milk, eggs and fish will be fair game. though i will try to not go overboard with junky stuff, and i've promised myself to eat breakfast every morning. i'm a girl who loves and appreciates a great steak and would rather eat a perfect burger than a piece of cake, so this is huge for me!

the next 6 days i will pare down dramtically what i am eating to give my body a much needed rest and a little cleanse. i'll let you know my plan for this when the time comes.

the last 5 days i will slowly add foods back in. i'll pay attention to what i consume, focusing on the quality of my diet and really pay attention to how i feel with everything i eat. i'm hoping to try some new things too, a little puerh, some kale, and some new tofu recipes (got any good ones?).

i will keep you updated here with how it's going. this should help me with my resolve and accountability. i'll need every little bit i think :) wanna join me? it'll be an adventure for sure!

this wish filled life

2010-03-12T13:29:00.006-05:00

i've been working like crazy to get ready for the launch of the new wishstudio website... i am so excited to become my own dot com, but it's been taking a huge amount of work and i am so grateful to have christine and brianna heading up this project for me. there have been photo shoots and tons of writing, branding to think about, and putting together all the big and small parts that will eventually make up the wishstudio world. it's super exciting and a little terrifying. definately exhausting as i have been eat, sleeping and dreaming wishstudio :)

so many connections and collaborations are being made behind the scenes, with amazing artists who will be bringing their workshops to the studio, their voices to the blog, and their stories and inspiration to the pages of our new virtual home.

there is so much to come and i am bursting to share it all with you!

it's almost time.

in the meantime, check out these phenominal, soul-filling projects (that have been all the buzz this week :) the always inspiring brene brown's week of worthiness and her brand new dvd. and also the i am enough collaborative with photog and mama extraordinaire, tracey clark.

balance and harmony

2010-03-10T08:47:00.007-05:00

i'm looking to find the balance between all of these things... working and creating, parenting and playing, exercise and rest, passion and obsession, togetherness and alone time, desires and needs, screen time and real time, feeding and indulging, big brother and little brother, self care and family care, present and future, becoming and being, listening and speaking, learning and knowing... it's all a constant juggling act, and maybe it's more about harmony than balance; having all the areas in your life coexist happily together in whatever way works best for you. there is no perfect formula, and i have to remember this. i have to heed my own words and simply try my best.

how art saves in my life :: crescendoh

2010-03-08T08:13:00.005-05:00

paper cloth by ihanna, one of my crescendoh shares

jenny doh has created an amazing creative community where many diverse artful voices share passionate narratives and so much inspiration. i'm so lucky to be a guest curator over at crescendoh this week. stop by and read my Art Saves story, and in addition each day i'll be sharing links to lots of fun creative things! while you're there, give a shout to jenny for being such a creative rock star, and check out all the other wonderful stories and links by all the other inspiring contributors. every day you'll find something fresh and new. i know i'll be visiting daily. enjoy!

on my nightstand

2010-03-05T15:25:00.002-05:00

lots of yummy reads stacked by the bed these days... (in part thanks to the many fabulous authors in my orbit :) i love savoring the goodness in little bits, reading a little here and a little there. by 8pm i'm usually so exhausted, that's about all i can muster. i haven't been reading all that much fiction lately, though i am enjoying knit two as it's perfectly girly and light for a tired mom at bedtime. once i'm done with that i plan to dive into alice in wonderland as i have never actually read the original book and i am so excited to see the visual feast that the upcoming movie promises to be! i've also been perusing lots of magazines. i've always found so much inspiration in my favorites, and i love that i can cut them up and use them in projects when i'm done.

so here's what's in my stack...

alice in wonderland ~ the classic by lewis carroll
tranquilista ~ kimberly wilson's new lifestyle book
the seed handbook, the feminine way to create business ~ by lynne franks
knit two ~ the follow up to 'the friday night knitting club' by kate jacobs
what to expect the first year ~ by h. murkoff, s. hathaway, a. eisnberg
the explosive child ~ about collaborative problem solving by dr. ross greene
momma zen ~ a beautifully wise and heartful read by karen maezen miller
my journal, made for me by a creative friend
the artistic mother ~ shona cole's brand new inspiring book
boho magazine ~ the debut issue. can't wait for the next one to hit the stands
taking flight ~ by kelly rae roberts, social worker turned artist extraordinaire
artful blogging ~ with so many blogging friends on the pages along side me
where women create ~ spring 2010 issue

what are you reading?

realities and blessings

2010-03-03T08:50:00.005-05:00

our neighbor's house surrounded by the sea

i was really inspired by this post by maegan, so i wanted to share my own "because things aren't always wonderful here but at the same time...they are." i couldn't have said it better myself and i love the notion of always finding that silver lining.

reality: there has been tons of clouds and rain here lately which means flooding as well as being forced indoors for more days than i can count by now. i think we are all getting a little stir crazy.

blessing: there's been movie watching, book reading, projects to work on, and loads of hot coffee and tea to drink.

reality: my trip to the market yesterday was hampered by an unexpected (and very long) traffic detour, and then my exhaust blowing out on the highway.
blessing: i got to meet up with one of my favorite moms who always fills me with inspiration and love, and not to mention the best handmade goodies.

reality: there have been frustrating days where i feel like just packing up my bags and abandoning motherhood. sometimes i just feel completely overwhelmed and in over my head.
blessing: i know that most days the drama of it all is just that, and i would never choose another life. ever. i see my children both becoming beautiful little people and i am so proud of them every single day.

reality: my work over in the wishstudio has been really, really busy. things are happening, growing and becoming... but it all takes a tremendous amount of time and energy which also requires a lot of juggling for everyone under this roof, which isn't always easy.
blessing: i can see the big picture now as it is emerging right before my eyes. this work is so fullfilling and joy-filled and i know it has the potential to sustain me (and my family some day). so many wonderful opportunities are being layed at my feet. having found work that is also my passion is huge.

reality: i'm getting older... i wouldn't say i'm old, but i definately see wrinkles and feel a little creek in my bones some mornings :) the superficial aspects of aging don't really worry me all that mich, but taking care of my health is a big concern.
blessings: with age comes wisdom and i'm starting to get a taste of that. i appreciate having lived these 38 years which have all brought me to this very moment. i feel an acceptance and a comfort about who i am that i did not have ten years ago. it feels cozy and safe and good.

reality: my husband and i have been passing like ships in the night lately. we are tag team parenting, taking shifts to get everything done and give one another a break when needed. it's not ideal but sometimes necessary, and i miss him.
blessing: sometimes it is a fine dance and other days it is just a force of circumstance, but i appreciate that we can be there for each other even if that means being seperate.

hope that your realities are full of blessings too... i know they are :)

my sun and moon

2010-03-01T10:38:00.007-05:00

big brother is sucessfully halfway through the first grade. he is a wiz at math and is going on his very first field trip to a maple sugar farm later this week. his newest fascination is with percy jackson and greek mythology and sword fighting. his two best friends at school are both girls, one of which he plans to marry :) he is still one of the tallest and one of the youngest in his class. he's getting ready for another season of tball and another round of swim class. his foot is now a size and a half away from mine. he is on a new ed plan that allows him to use a timer, earn stickers and go for walks. he's loving garfield and pokemon and the misadventures of flapjack. he's got huge love in his heart, an unbelievable imagination, and an amazing adventurous spirit. he is fiery and passionate and constant, and always the finder of hidden gems. he is the sun of my universe.

little brother is just about to turn 8 months. he has found his toes and his voice! dadadada is his favorite word. he is reaching and grabbing and playing peek-a-boo. he always belly laughs at his big brother. he's feeding himself crackers and says "mmmm" when he eats. he still sucks his thumb which (for now) is so cute. he is teethimg and drooly and can sit up on his own for a bit. he is happy and determined and has his own way about things already. he is so sweet and open and curious, and very easily sated. he slows life down so we can stop and savor. he is the moon in my sky.

blown away

2010-02-27T18:53:00.004-05:00

today the sun shone for about a half hour and i captured these shots of the recent storm's aftermath... the flooded tidal marsh, and two huge uprooted trees. we've had a couple of wild weather days, and just got back into our home today as our heat and electricity were finally restored. a huge storm blew through this area on thursday evening and wreaked havok with wind gusts tandem to a catagory 2 hurricane.

around 11pm thursday, i woke up to screaming winds and two exterior doors that were banging and smashing into one another in the front of our house. the whole house was shaking and the windows were rattling and bowing unnaturally. for a little while i was terrified, and wondering if we should take cover.

i have this crazy phobia of tornados. even though i have never seen one and live in an area where they are extremely unlikely to occur, the notion that there could be one scares the heck out of me. when i am stressed about something, i dream about tornados.

so in the moment our power went out (shortly after i awoke during the height of the storm), and the baby started crying after waking up to darkness and howling winds, i thought this is it -a tornado is coming! i knew it was an overreaction. phobias are completely irrational by definition. but i was scared. it was scary weather after all.

so in a flash, i thought about what to grab. i know you all have been posed this hypothetical question of what one thing would you save if your house caught on fire.... my first reaction was my computer, and than i realized how completely rediculous this was. then i thought about the hope chest and all the family photos that are stashed there, and then all the momentos and treasures of our past.

then in the next instant as i settled back into the reality that there, of course, would be no tornado the clarity of what i wanted most to save came to me in that second... nothing. there was nothing precious enough that i wanted to risk seconds of my family's safety to try to grab. i just wanted to be sure we were all safe. the kids, my husband, myself and the dog. maybe i would run and get the goldfish and my cell phone.

so as i sat in the candlelight rocking the baby back to sleep i thought about this. i guess i was a little surprised. ever since i can remember i have always been a collector of sentimentality, saving bits of this and pieces of that, things that seemed so important to hold on to forever. yes, most of it is precious and i would be heartbroken to lose those most prized posessions, but that was just it... they are all only things. and in that moment of choosing, the fact that all i wanted was my my family was very validating and freeing. i know what i could not live without.

much ado

2010-02-24T12:09:00.004-05:00

well, i just finished booking a little family vacation. it will be the first one ever for all four of us... should be a fun adventure! plans to head to washington, dc in the spring to teach a workshop and meet up with some creative friends, and my son's sudden (and serious) passion for this movie inspired the idea to parlay this trip into a family getaway. so with a little flight rearranging, we will be visiting our great nation's capitol for mother's day this year! i am so very happy to be able to share my wishstudio adventures with my family.

we'll be visiting the smithsonian for sure, and will walk the mall and see all the great historic sights... my first time too! and in addition to all of that, i am hoping to get a glimps of the cherry blossoms. i know it might be a bit late, but a girl can dream :)

i'll be arriving a couple of days early to teach my class (all the scoop will be posted in the wishstudio on friday, if you're in the dc area and want to join me!), hang out at tranquil space, have some tea sipping time and couple of artist dates. it should really be a wonderful time!

look out DC... here we come!

enlightenment at whole foods

2010-02-23T09:22:00.010-05:00

yesterday, the baby and i needed to just get out of the house. i had no pressing errands to get done, so i decided to venture to the nearest whole foods. having been forced indoors by winter for too long, i was really craving the fresh (almost outdoorsy) feel of that store. i had forgotten how delightful it is to spend an hour there wandering the isles and filling your cart with yummy goodness!

aside from getting lost, it was about a half an hour to make the trip. with my favorite podcast plugged in, the drive was quite nice... the sun was shining... the baby snoozed... all was good. the first thing i saw were these gorgeous hot pink gerber daisies. i had just bought 2 single stems for a photo shoot and it cost me $6. this beautiful bunch of ten(!) was just eight bucks.

as i perused all of the great products and filled my cart with more than just the "few things" i was going to pick up, i had a little epiphany... i need to shop here more. it's so worth the little extra time and money to come and enjoy the experience of grocery shopping (because it has to get done. every week :) while knowing i am feeding and nourishing my family with good stuff. and in the end, my grocery bill was almost exactly the same as it would have been had i gone to my regular old market! i was pleasantly shocked. this is some of what i got...

* a big bag of ground flax seed
* nut free granola (so hard to find!)
* lots of great baby foods, including these crackers that he muched throughout the store while shopping!
* a couple of new healthy teas
* organic apples
* my favorite soy pudding
* a bar of dark chocolate with crystalized ginger wrapped in a love letter (i adore this brand!)
* green laundry detergent
* rice crispy, ice cream treats
* the healthy version of this cereal (he won't even notice!)
* ready made cold buckwheat soba noodles for hubby's lunch
* sqeezy fruit in a pouch, great for the lunch box

i've added the whole foods market website to my favorites page, and will plan my meals and shopping list according to whats on sale. plus, the prices there have really come down. i think i can make it work! can't wait to head back there next week :) it's so nice to not have to dread the grocery shopping.

wild winter vacation adventure

2010-02-20T17:56:00.000-05:00

at the tubing park...

{snowy day}

{riding to the top}

{zoomin' down the slopes}

{such a blast!}

this blog

2010-02-18T10:19:00.007-05:00

a sailors valentine, made by my son

i began writing here at under a pink sky after my first son was born, in 2004 (the first 2 and a half years were regrettably deleted, which is a long story for another post someday). the blog world was just emerging on to the scene, and i came to this space to find creative inpiration and connection and to give my own thoughts a voice. though i wasn't really thinking about it then, i did have an inkling that this medium was a really powerful tool. it was a way to create, to share, to search, and to find. i did all of those things and to my amazement it has changed the landscape of my life.

as a new mom and a creative type i loved wandering around the blogsphere. it led me to so many amazing women, and i immediately made some wonderful kindred connections. i shared my own journey wholeheartedly, colorfully, and passionately. back in those days, i wrote on these pages very day. it was the way i began to stretch my wings and really listen to myself.

i've always kept a journal or diary, even when i was young. i have stacks of word-filled books from all different stages of my life. it was always natural for me to narrate my days and record my feelings. i did so with a need and desire to simply express what was filling my head and heart. many of these books are filled with really heavy thoughts...my writing has always been kind of weighty. it helped me to unload.

what i loved (and still do) about writing on a blog is that it really helps me to focus the beauty of my days. it pushes me to see the simple things that bring joy into my life. sometimes these might seem small and insignificant, but i have learned over time that these are the things that fill a life, like beads on a long strand.

i've always struggled with how much to share on my blog. i think this question is one that many of us bump into now and again, and i recently had a pretty pivitol conversation with someone about this very topic. for me, i have always been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve and to not share the struggles alongside the beauty never felt quite right. in those early years of writing here, my family never read my blog so it was a safe container for me to explore and share. i liked having that kind of anonymity in the beginning (even though the whole world could read what i wrote), but essentially i was writing to strangers so it felt very freeing.

now, having met so many of these women and can even call some them friends i write to a different audience. my family is now reading along too and that changes how this space feels as well. under a pink sky is like an old friend... it's where everything began. it feels comfortable and cozy here, and yet it is still evolving. i'm wondering what the next phase will be.

i am considering removing the comments from this blog, not because i don't like to hear from all of you (i really do, very much actually). while the feedback can be so uplifting and validating and fun, i also wonder what it would feel like to simply put my thoughts and feelings out to the universe unteathered and free. in a way, the possiblity of comments pulls your thoughts in a specific direction when sharing. it's not quite like writing simply for yourself. so i'm just wondering if this would open up some space.

with all the wonderful connecting i do over in the wishstudio, i'm wondering if this space should just be for sharing. these days, i think that there is a real frenzy around connecting and getting immediate feedback, which in some respects it is completely amazing and technologically fascinating. though it also feels a bit... i'm not really sure what, overconnected (?). it is why i have not taken the leap to join twitter and facebook and other social media outlets. some might say this is not hip or savvy, but i really am thinking a lot about what i want my (online) presence in this world to be. do people really want a play by play of everything i do? i somehow really doubt it.

so these are the thoughts swimming around in my head today. i completely see the irony of this, but i'm asking you, what do you think?

celebrating 38

2010-02-16T16:22:00.007-05:00

* a special homemade heart cupcake for breakfast * cards, gifties and a brand new netbook to play with * grocery shopping, errands and getting ready * happy birthday messeges on my phone and in my in-box * a family visitor arriving from the airport * some mario cart races on the wii * a big sushi dinner complete with party poppers, pink balloons, and a princess hat for moi * sparkle candles atop a nut free chocolate cake (yum!) * a tired and happy family +1 off to bed early * a full nights worth of sleep to top it all off * loads of gratitude * a simply perfect day, really *

L.O.V.E.

2010-02-14T09:53:00.005-05:00

i love valentine's day. everything is covered in pink and red. hearts are everwhere you look and the day is filled with sweet sentiments and treats, and lots of l.o.v.e. to me, it's pure bliss. who doesn't love Love?

we woke up this morning to the bright winter sun, homemade valentines and goodies, and a yummy breakfast brought home from our local beachside diner up the street. we got our favorite chocolate (of course), wooden stacking rings for the baby, and bakugan for big brother. we got tickets to the tubing park (get ready pappou!), a sweet little gift (don't peek alex! it will be here soon...) i simply fell in love with, and a special cd made just for me...

god only knows...the beach boys
two doves...dirty projectors
staralfur...siguros
lay, lady, lay...bob dylan
vcr...xx
wonderwall...oasis
within your reach...replacements
all i want is you...glen campbell
the crane wife 3...decemberists
thing called love...johnny cash
sugar pie, honey bunch...temptations
lovers in a dangerous time...bruce cockburn
my girls...animal collective
hounds of love...kate bush
this tornado loves you...neko case
grow old along with me...john lennon

he has always filled my life with music, since the very beginning... that's just his way of capturing a feeling or sharing a moment or a special occasion, and i love that.

the boys are off to nana and grandpa's to get loved on all day, and we will be cleaning house (not so romantic, but oh so necessary!) and then rewarding ourselves with a little valentines dinner out, just for two.

hope you all have a beautiful and love-filled day!

xoxo

stormy weather

2010-02-10T11:45:00.009-05:00

home early :: waiting for the bus today

it's a snow day today. my son is home early from school and my husband's school got cancelled completely, so we are all home cozied up for the afternoon.

it has turned out to be just a cold, gloppy rain, though i do see a few flakes starting to swirl outside my studio window as i write this. we'll see. they love to spin the drama of a crazy nor'easter around these parts!

i was able to run out early and get some errands done... pick up the baby's birth cretificate (finally), mail our valentines, drop off some paperwork to my son's principal. it feels good to get a bunch of things checked off my list today. now i'm ready to embrace a few lazy hours of making chocolate chip cookies, watching a movie, playing games, and snuggling on the couch. i love the couch.

the storms blow in and out of here, the wet and windy variety as well as the emotional ones. living on the coast you never know what kind of weather you might get. kind of like life; some days are simply glorious while others are really icky.

i'm aiming to always remember to find the glory. some days you just have to look a little harder.

**thank you all for your supportive words and your heartfelt emails. i appreciate every morsel of mama to mama goodness... i'd be lost without all of you!

equal but opposite force

2010-02-09T10:05:00.012-05:00

newtons 3rd law :: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

right now, i am struggling. i'm struggling with this little person in my life who i love so much it aches. i'm not really sure why. i think there are a lot of reasons why. i am trying to sort it out and find a better way, but it is hard. i admit i'm having a really hard time.

with all the joy he brings into my life, there are also lots of challenges. as his mom i know it is my job to to help work through these challenges, but lately i just feel a little helpless. i am pushing and pushing against him which is not helping at all. he just pushes back. equal but opposite.

part of it is i am pushing to gain control, and it's not even about control. by dinnertime we are all tired and unravelling and it is hard to gather myself to think like a warrior mama, to show up for him and be his advocate. all i want is to just sit down and eat a calm dinner after a long day. that's what you are supposed to do right?... cook a meal, sit around the table, share, talk, keeps kids off drugs, boosts thier self esteem, helps foster family relations. not in this house. this is never how it is because he is moving and spinning and loud and disruptive. every night. and he just can't help it. and i yell anyway. and inside i just want to cry.

part of it is i just get so frustrated. isn't that awful? i am his mother after all. it's not about me. but here i am feeling a little resentful about this job i signed myself up for.

part of it is we are so much alike. he is my mirror in so many ways... in some really beautiful and joyful ways, but also in some really profoundly difficult ways. so there's that.

part of it is that my motherhood is a place that i really need to stretch myself and to keep on learning. it feels like treking through uncharted jungle i imagine, with both beauty and danger around every turn, not ever knowing which you will encounter. having a child with adhd is often exhausting and sometimes even painful (which i didn't ever really see coming).

this post isn't to say 'poor me', nor is it a call for sympathy (though any advice would be lovely!). it's just a place for me to dump my thoughts and say some things out loud helping me to process it all. it's part of the baby steps on this long journey.

i wouldn't trade my motherhood for anything in the whole world... how he still wants to hold my hand, how he loves to spend time making things with me, how he makes me laugh in so many unexpected ways because he's funny and smart and so sweet. i do know this much ~ love is simply love no matter how complicated. and i know i will find my way.

i think i will start by letting go of dinnertime. that seems like a good place to make a change. we'll be eating buffet style from now on. i'll let you know how it goes.

thoughts from the mall

2010-02-06T10:27:00.010-05:00

to escape the same four walls at home, i went to the mall the other day (inspired by a conversation with the lovely miss viv). i hadn't realized how long it's been since i've done that. i also realized that i need new clothes. badly. i miss shopping just for fun, as i tend to only run to the store out of necessity and it's usually to buy the kids something. the extent of my wardrobe embellishment has been a new pair of gray yoga pants, which is what i live in.

i was really inspired by all the juicy colors and the fun and layered looks that are really 'in' right now (especially with the latest jewelery styles), and i really loved looking at all the great merchandising. there once was a time when i kept up with all of this. those were the days. i was tempted to buy a new pair of dark pink cowgirl boots, but figured that wasn't really going to help my lack of clothing. i'll have to go back soon (sans baby) and pick out a few new things.

while sitting in the store feeding the baby a bottle, i watched a woman shopping who was also pushing a stroller. a hot pink doggie stroller with requisite yappy pooch in tow. while my initial reaction was "really!?" i was surprised to find that i really admired her moxie. dressed in a tiny mini skirt, high heels and legwarmers, and pushing her accessorized dog through macy's i thought to myself, you go! i know lots of people were turning their heads and staring unabashedly, and judging her (as i initially did), but a little voice inside of me wanted to pipe up in her defence and say, "hey no snickering. i think she's fabulous!". that kind of confidance and take-me-as-i-am self assurance is truly admirable, even in poor taste. but who am i to say... some days i wear spitup and a ponytail and call that an ensamble.

yes, it's time for me to shop and buy a few brave and pretty things!

the small things

2010-02-03T09:58:00.002-05:00

and then there is the other side of motherhood

2010-02-02T09:05:00.003-05:00

where the closest thing to getting dressed is rolling out of bed and throwing on a sweatshirt

where you yell and shatter into a million pieces

where you have to use the television as your babysitter to get dinner on the table

where you wonder if you were cut out for this job

where there are days you can't get the baby to stop crying, and then you are crying too

where it might take an hour to do ten minutes of homework

where you feel the weight of guilt and regret

where you wear spit up on your shoulder all day because you have no clean shirts

where you have a million things to do but can't get any of it done

where you feel yourself starting to dissappear

where there is time-outs and meltdowns and frustration that threatens to undo you

where you can go days without speaking to another grown-up

where sometimes you can't do anything to make it better

where you hear "i hate you!" thrown at you like a brick

where you feel so exhausted and ready for bed by 5pm

where you look at those faces and wonder how could you feel this way

where you just feel like a crappy mom

the past few days

2010-02-01T12:40:00.010-05:00

we swam alot this weekend, played way too much mario on the wii (and had a little withdrawl this morning), ate yummy chinese food, and went to a new bead store where i found beautiful korean jade. we stayed warm in our stripy socks, made homemade chicken terriyaki, did tons of laundry which never seems to end, and made plans for a cookie decorating party with friends.

we got fresh radishes and greenbeans from the farmers market, nose drops for a tiny stuffy nose, a long overdue haircut for one handsome big brother, and successfully wheeled and dealed with a broker (car sales man-style) to become the owner of a shiny new web address.

we're getting ready for a visit from pappou, a school trip to nyc next week, a 38th birthday, and valentines day festivities followed by school vacation (yay!). we are planning for social work exams, a big first grade project on the harpy eagle, and lots of creative adventures on the horizon.

life is always brimming and full. how did i get so lucky?

{sigh}... i know, right?

2010-01-31T14:30:00.010-05:00

completely and utterly amazing

this is the movement. of moms showing up... of loving and living fiercely. as caretakers. as leaders. as dreamers and visionaries. for the good our own lives. and for the lives of our children.

we. are. changing. the. world.

nurture

2010-01-28T08:11:00.008-05:00

harvard square last weekend

this is my word of the year. it took me a while to find it (as you can tell, it is almost february). at first i thought it might be grow, or embrace, or possibility... but those words, while inspiring notions, didn't really reflect the quality of my life that i want to really focus on this year. yes, i do want to grow and embrace and dream into the possibilities of all there is, but i really want to do this mindfully and with care. so nurture is really where i find my heart to be.

nur-ture:
1. to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.
2. to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
3. to bring up; train; educate.

here is what i am nurturing in my life these days...

my children :: with one who is 6 and one who is 6 months there is much to do. for my oldest we are navigating the educational world, putting plans into place, building skills and tools, shining a light on strengths not weaknesses, and teaching him about friendships, resilliance, and seeing the bigger picture. for the littlest one it is all about growth and milestones, showing him the world and the big love that surrounds him. there is bouncing and finger foods, music and floor time. and smiles. always smiles. i have to remember to stay in this moment with them, not wish any of it away, because in a flash it will be gone.

my marriage :: with eleven years and counting our relationship is always evolving. last year was a huge year of change for us (and a little expected turbulance). there was tremendous growth that we both really had to dig deep for. we're learning more about who we are as individuals and how inportant this is to making us a stronger couple. and we've learned through experience that the foundation of our family sits firmly on this relationship. so yes, we must take good care of one another, and we are.

my family and friends :: for all the love and support they offer, for the abundance of happiness they bring into my life, for the ways they see me and touch my heart, i always hope to return that in my own special way.

my creative life and work :: as things are really blossoming in this area of my life, i have to be a little careful... to not say yes to too many things, to find balance in all of the bustle, to stay focused on what brings joy, to move forward with integrity and gratitude, grace and smarts.

my body and soul :: i'm practicing yoga again, which i truly love. i need to lower my cholesterol. maybe eat more soy. and less sugar and salt for sure. i've been ignoring, ignoring, ignoring. it's time to reconnect and integrate and listen to my rhythms again. they are changing. i can tell. and i need to pay attention. and take better care.

my finances :: with the seeds of my own income firmly planted and starting to take root, and hopes and financial dreams for my children and family, i know this is an area i need extra support. this is where my mostly creative brain wants to tune out. thank goodness for paypal and modernized banking. i am trying to stay organized and on top of things, and i will be enlisting the help of an accountant and a financial planner to help me (and my husband) stay on track. i know that this will be a big key in the long term success of nurturing our nest egg.

2010 is all about nurturing for me.

planner pad makeover

2010-01-26T09:05:00.002-05:00

i really enjoyed taking the time to collage this cover for my new planner pad. the soothing greens and pinks (as always) called to me, and i was delighted to see this color theme emerge. combined with little vintage bits of ephemera, some pretty art paper, and inspiring scraps cut from magazines this collage came together quite nicely i think.

i wanted to start with a nice clean canvas, so for this i decided to use a blank sheet of sticker paper which ended up working very well. i cut a decorative edge along the binder side and rounded off the other corners to fit nicely over the original cover. i added another plain sheet in the same way to the inside cover to brighten things up and for doodles and notes. i think for the inside back cover i will order a clear pocket to hold all of the little loose things that seem to always find thier way between the pages. i imagine on some cold and snowy day, i will eventually collage the back cover as well as it is such a relaxing way to spend an afternnon.

a few of you have asked me how i like the planner pad, and so far i do. the main layout is very intuituve and much less linear than most other one dimentional organizers (which i like). it also has a lots of customizable pages for you to play around and create space for your specific needs. it is always the layout and design that sells me on an organizer (and i have tried them all!), not the pretty arwork or fancy cover. so this might be the best of both words, a great organizational tool with some room for creative expression. if you would like more planner pad inspiration, kimberly has always sung the praises of this product (which is why i finally decided to try it!), and shares some great tips here, and here.

it started with a chair

2010-01-23T09:07:00.005-05:00

yesterday was a day that there were just surprises around every corner... it felt like the universe was trying to tell me something. something good. really good. and so i listened.

this chair. well, i can only tell you that it was love at first sight. the kind of thing that from the moment i saw it, i knew it was meant just for me. it was my chair. and it finally found me. this seems silly, i know. but this is how it felt. that somehow in that moment i had arrived into some part of my life that was really true and really meaningful and really powerful, and it came in the form of a hot pink vintage chair. that's cretainly not a bad thing. but it really made me think. it made me think about authenticity. it made me think of how since i have been living my truth and embracing all that is me, everything in my life seems to be automatically aligning itself to that in amazing and unexpected ways. this chair is really just a symbol of that. a reminder of who i am and where i am in my life. in every way, it's really a perfect fit.

when i got home, this had arrived in the mail. i knew it was coming, i just didn't know when. and i knew it was going to be really cool, but i didn't know just how cool... because that's me, well my wishstudio on the cover :) even holding it in my hands, i can hardly believe it. because this creative endeavor is so much a part of who am. it is so entrenched in everything i feel and do and aspire to, to have that shared in this beautiful and honorable and inspiring way is just so unbelievable.

it's not the end-all and be-all by any stretch of the imagination. though i do love how it makes my son feel like his mom is famous, and how it's inspired my husband's flights of fancy about being a stay at home dad. in the grand scheme of things it's kind of small. but on the winding path that is my life, it is like seeing a tree finally grown, lush and green and bursting with life and energy, after years of tending to the tiny seed that you planted so long ago and wondered if it would ever grow. it's kind of like the world saying, "Yes, i see you."

and it all started with a chair.

once upon a time...

2010-01-21T06:51:00.006-05:00

my son modeling for a catalog photo shoot

i was a children's clothing designer. before my own kids (initially). before i started blogging. before i really knew what i wanted to be when i grew up. it was a tiny but well established mom and pop business, built from the the dreams and artful aspirations of a mom in a small seaside town. funny how that is. now i can really relate and truly admire all that marsha and her husband created, and i am really grateful for having been a small part of that.

i was watching the new season of project runway last night (and can i just say how much i love that they painted the studio hot pink! i'm thinking of doing the same :)... this is what brought me back to that time. it really was a fun and fabulous job. very unglamorous (well maybe a tiny bit so), but i learned so much and got to see a slice of the fashion industry that was really fascinating and all new to me.

i traveled to LA and new york city regulary to attend the trade shows and to buy tons of fabric and notions. i even stayed in a few swanky hotels, ate out at some really great places, and got to shop on on 5th avenue and rodeo drive for inspiration! my favorite skirt came from one of those trips to NYC where i decided to hop a later flight and hang out in soho all by myself and just experience the city on my own. i have to say that was really decadent and dreamy! i miss the energy there from time to time.

i guess aside from reminiscing about an old job, i'm amazed to see how life changes so much. how from one day to the next you never know what might come to be, and how these new experiences cast a different light on old memories. it's wonderous to see how you change and evolve and also to find what inside of you always remains the same. really, this journey never ceases to amaze me.

little bits of togetherness

2010-01-19T09:34:00.009-05:00

:: saturday mornings are now family time at the pool. living so close to the ocean, we wanted to be sure our kids were comfortable with the water and would learn how to swim. this was the baby's first time... he loved it, and is a little happy fish!

:: over the weekend, we had a surprise visit from a long lost friend. it's been almost 6 years since we've seen him, but really it was like it had just been yesterday. just like old times. it's funny how some friendships can be that way... timeless and unwavering. it really was wonderful to get caught up and just spend time together. we looked at old photos (we looked so young!), reminisced about ill fated hiking trips, laughed about our doggies from that time, and drank a celebratory and traditional round (or three) of scotch. my oldest son was starstruck and completely enamored by our visitor, which was really so cute. he took this picture during his goodbye photo shoot.

:: with all the support and goodness that has come my way via the wishstudio, i decided to make a donation in honor of our community to the relief effort in haiti. i am so grateful to be able to do this. strength in numbers really can make a difference in the world! craft hope is also taking donations of your handmade items, and proceeds of those sales will go to doctors witout borders who are in the frontlines helping to save lives there. see what you've got in your stash that you can give, or stop by and shop to support this effort!

:: together with jamie ridler studios, i had the wonderful opportunity to share a little about my creative life. you can listen to the podcast here, or get it on itunes. it was my first spoken interview, so i am feeling a little shy about it, but i hope you will enjoy it. thanks jamie :)

bright spots this week

2010-01-15T14:11:00.007-05:00

my constant companion

*this little face smiling up at me
*kicking off the necklace project today
*being invited to contribute to a shiny new group blog as well as a deliciously bohemian artist's sleepover in vancouver next fall!
*my son saying, seriously "sorry i took so long, i was enjoying the art" upon returning from a trip to the bathroom (of all places)

*a six month check-up, all gold stars and a whopping 20lbs. 14oz. (no wonder my back kills :)
*finally getting in touch with a long lost friend, and making plans for an exciting creative collaboration
*making an artist's playdate with leah to go see this inspiring exhibit
*working in my new planner pad
*writing my artist's interview for madalyn's new ecourse i am going to be featured in (such an honor)
*reading harry potter in bed with my 6 year old
*sipping yummy wine from my cousin's vinyard
*plans with family and friends tomorrow
*savoring the latest issue of where women create
*watching julie & julia with my husband
*a three day weekend ahead

then it all gets knocked into perspective

2010-01-14T10:22:00.005-05:00

...and all seemingly huge obstacles in my life, i realize are really tiny compared to those who are simply struggling to survive.

heady

2010-01-13T08:21:00.009-05:00

little gifties i made for friends

it's wednesday and it's already been a long week. the headiness of last week has seeped into the early days of this one, and i just can't seem to shake it. even in my dreams i am working out things and wake up in the morning tangled in thoughts and emotions, feeling exhausted like i didn't sleep at all.

there is lots of important stuff going on right now, that's part of. i also am adjusting to actually having work to do as i am getting a fledgling business off the ground. my mind is deeply immersed and caught up in the momentum of the swiftly moving stream of things i have to do and keep up with. it's been really busy and really exciting and absolutely an adjustment.

on the homefront, i've got my sons first team meeting at school coming up. this is a weighty thing too. it's going to set the tone of our relationship (as parents) with the school administration while we also trying to establish the unique path of my son's educational needs. i know that this is an uphill battle, and one that will probably need to be fought from year to year. i'm trying to approach this as a marathon of being my son's advocate and not being the schools advisary. the tipping point between the two is dangerously minute, so i am buffering up on what i know and trying to put on the back burner what i feel. this is absolutely not a strength of mine. so, there's that.

in all of this, i am grateful to have a husband who is very plugged-in and extremely supportive and patient. he knows me well, and sometimes sees me in ways i have a hard time seeing myself. he's also super knowledgeable about special ed and school admin stuff and has suggested some homework for me that i know will help. he is blazing new trails of his own in the school he runs, and the paralles of his worklife and homelife are often both a gift and a curse at the same time :)

things will settle in to place soon enough, i know, only to be stirred up again in new and unexpected ways. it's simply the ebb and flow of things.

cheese!

2010-01-11T19:32:00.004-05:00

that's all i've got today.

i'm exhausted.

hope your day was all smiles :)

today i...

2010-01-05T12:45:00.009-05:00

dug up this old picture...

just so i could compare it to this new one...

can you tell they're brothers?

both summer babies

(so all the hand me downs will fit - yay!)

both big personalities

and both the love of my life

a little bliss goes a long way

2010-01-03T08:33:00.010-05:00

there is nothing better than starting off the new year with lots of family time, new projects, and a yummy date. yesterday after dropping the boys off at nana and grandpa's (a big treat for them as well), the grown ups got to spend some much needed time together.

we ventured out together in the falling snow and explored a brand new asian supermarket hidden away in a small boston suburb... and we found a little slice of (yummy) heaven! the store was overflowing with delicious offerings. both my husband and i share the same love affair with korean food. for me, it must be in my blood as i grew up eating meatloaf and spaghetti, for my hubby, it's the spicy flavorful goodness.

if you are not familiar with korean food, you have to try it. it is unlike any other asian cuisine. the abundance of kimchee and banchan that is always served alongside a korean meal makes it especially festive and communal. eating korean style is always a celebration of family and tradition.

so at the market, we ate a homestyle korean lunch, perused shelves and shelves of homemade banchan and even tasted some new ones, watched a woman preparing kimchee from scratch, and bought a bunch of yummy things to bring home. my oldest son also loves korean food and has a pallet for all things spicy, sweet and salty. it's only a matter of time before the baby has his first taste of something hot :) i also picked up a couple korean newspapers, though not for reading. they are perfect for crafting and wrapping gifts with all the beautiful hangul. (and after the flurry of holiday wrapping, we also decided to make a pact to never use store bought wrapping paper again).

we spent the last couple of hours just poking around the mall. my husband actually likes to shop (though he moans a little and pretends not to), and he got a few cool things to add to his closet. i got to spend some time in anthropologie which is always such a sensory treat. i am always awed by their creative and beautiful merchandising... they had huge birds sculpted out of vintage book pages rolled and torn, and holiday garland and table runners made from stitched playing cards - so fun! i scooped up a couple of pink moleskine journals (for half off!), tried on a few dreamy tops, and ogled over a gorgeous leather bag. i think i could live in that store.

a date (for us) would not be complete without spending some time in a bookstore, so we hung out for a while in borders too; me always gravitating to the kids section, the art and craft books, the business section and the magazines; him off to the music magazines and always in search of some good book he's heard/read about recently.

tomorrow, it is back to the regular routine. the flip side of having vacations together (as my husband works on a school schedule), is the inevitable coming-to-an-end of those nice chunks of family time. the transitional sunday is always hard, as we all just want this time to last forever. some sledding, and a little kimchee and my spicy, homemade korean soup will certainly help.

looking behind, looking ahead

2010-01-01T09:48:00.003-05:00

pink skies of possibility...

as i sit and reflect on the past year, simply i'm in awe. in so many aspects of my life there has been beautiful growth... in my family, in my creative life, and in my belief in the possibility of everything. i am overflowing with gratitude.

last year saw the arrival of my second son. he has brought so much joy into our lives and every day i stare at him in wonder. also with this little person came an earth shaking shift in my perspective of being a mother, one that really has changed so much about how i think and feel in every way. this evolution has had profound effects on my life as a whole. my spirit grew into spaces that i never new existed, and thus i am a more complete person.

in 2009, while embracing the notion of becoming a new mom again i also recommitted to my belief and dreams for the wishstudio. i knew this virtual community had tremendous potential and i also knew i needed to breathe through that space in order to sustain my own creative soul. with the support of all the incredible creative women who have gathered there since it's revitalization last spring, the wishstudio has found it's place on the creative map as well as having become the vehicle and sustenance for all that i am and love to do. this space is bringing so many of my own wishes to life!

so i am leaping whole heartedly into 2010. i can feel it in my bones already that this is going to be a tremendous year! possibilities are becoming reality, and i am looking forward to another year of exciting growth and opportunity. here's a little peek of things ahead...

* in january i am being interviewed on jamie ridler's creative living podcast. you can listen when it goes "live" on jan. 19th.

* in february, the wishstudio will be featured in artful blogging magazine complete with a full photo spread and an interview with yours truly.

* in march, i am honored to be a guest curator on jenny doh's amazing new site and creative venture, crescendoh. she is bringing together an amazing community of artists, telling unique stories and offering meaningful inspiration all to share how art saves.

* in april i am hosting and teaching in the wish*full virtual art retreat along with 13 other fabulous artists. this event is the result of many many hours of dreaming, creating and collaboration, and i can not wait to see it all unfold!

* in may you can find me traveling to washington, dc to teach a creativity workshop hosted by an inspiring creative friend of mine.

also, look for a creative collaboration with bella wish, follow the journey of the necklace project to benefit nest including another podcast feature, and find out about my first trip to squam next fall~ and more to come i'm sure with so many new doors opening every single day (i can hardly believe it!). i hope you will follow my journey over the next year. it is sure to be full of surprises.

thank you, thank you to all of you who have offered your support and inspiration along the way... especially my family. i am infinately and forever grateful.

goodbye 2009, hello 2010!!!

finding my holiday cheer

2009-12-30T11:19:00.003-05:00

the holidays are always a whirlwind, and somehow it happens every year that this seems to sneak up on me. i love the initial burst of festivities, putting on my favorite holiday music, starting to plan and make gifts, decorating the house and making christmas plans. i always feel so excited and prepared... in the beginning at least. then as time winds on, it seems to start to unravel. somewhere along the way, holiday cheer seems to turn into holiday stress. how does that happen?

while i love most everything about this time of year, it is so easy to lose perspective on what is truly important and real. as a mom, trying to balance the notion of togetherness and family and giving with the craziness of wanting and getting and having is not always an easy task. still, i often feel myself that i have not given enough... things, time, thought, and this is where i think the stress comes from, simply trying to do and be too much.

even though my holiday cards never made it out, i never finished the mobile i was making for the baby as a gift, and i ordered sushi intead of cooking on christmas eve, i did eventually find my holiday cheer again. that's the thing about this time of year... it's impossible to not discover little bits of joy and magic, even when you're up to your eyeballs in wrapping paper.

gifts of possibility

2009-12-18T11:11:00.004-05:00

the gift fairy arrived in a flourish yesterday! this long awaited treasure was finally delivered to my door, and i was giddy with excitement just to open it. i had to hold myself back from just tearing into the package, to slowly savor and photograph the moment :) this necklace represents a lot of things for me... it is the work of two of my wishstudio companions (both who i absolutely admire and adore for many different reasons) and represents to me the amazing collaboration and creativty that has grown out of that space this year. i love the sentiments on this piece, and recently told christine how i am going to eat, sleep and breathe those words through my many creative days ahead as i plunge full-on into this creative life that is unfolding right before my eyes! thank you stacy for designing such a gorgeous piece. i'd wear it in the shower if i could :)

also in my mailbox (my email box) was a beautifully thoughtful gift from some far away family. it came as a surprise and also waxed sentimental (the best kind of gifts i think!). i was gifted the virtual home of underapinksky.com (cool right?). having blogged under this name for almost six years now, i never even thought of this. i am so touched by such a meaningful offering, and am so excited to think about the possibility of packing my bags and moving to a fancy new home that is all my own!

yes, so many possibilities! thank you (all of you) from the bottom of my heart...xo

what i've been up to

2009-12-14T12:41:00.014-05:00

wintery rainbow out my window last week

the days have been flying by. i can not believe it's only 2 weeks til christmas! where does time go? i've been off chasing one creative rainbow after another, and meeting up with some really inspiring people which has been overflowing my well of goodness this season.

i spent a wonderful evening (gosh, way back in early november already!) with two fabulous creative bloggers noshing on nan and sharing bits about life, creating, weddings, mamahood and blogging. it was so lovely to finally meet up with both these women and to see their sparkle up close. stop by and visit nina and say congrats on her on her pending nuptuals, and go on over to say hi to michelle and wish her luck with baby # two on the way! both have so much to share with the world, so keep an eye on their inspiring worlds.

i also spent a beautiful afternoon in heidi's glittery creative world making holiday cones and slippers. there was attention to every little detail from the yummy treats she (made) and served, to the gorgeous nametags she created with tlc. i had a really relaxing and fun time enjoying the company of some really lovely women and getting covered in pink sparkles. if you live in or around the boston area, you absolutely should try to get to one of her workshops. i know she will be offering some new ones in the new year, so keep an eye out.

and then there was also the best babyfest ever :) nina hosted a fun get together for all these adorable baldies and their mamas. aren't they the cutest? the wee one's fascinated in one another (ninabeana's two beans, my chunky monkey, and brittany's twin sweeties), and the mama's sipped coffee, chatted, and ate homemade chocolately treats. what's better than that?

lastly, amidst trying to stave off the germfest that wants to take up permenant residence in my house, i have been meeting deadlines and getting some big creative projects off the ground. the biggest is the wish*full virtual art retreat that i am hosting in the wishstudio next spring. i am so excited about this (and a little terrified), and know it's going to be really amazing. especially since i have some really special and talented teachers joining me! lisa and i recently got to meet up and dream out loud about this, together... she's got the best laugh, some serious artistic talent, and great shoes (i love having artist friends :) she's offering some great classes locally this winter too, so take a peek. there is a book locket class to die for!

in these last couple of weeks i'm getting ready to wrap up and say goodbye 2009 (it's been a milestone year for many reasons), finish my holiday shopping, and just spend some down time with my family. it's been the best kind of whirlwind, my life these days, and i need some quiet time to simply reflect, marvel, and sit with gratitude over all the year has brought me.

courage

2009-11-27T11:41:00.005-05:00

my husband and i recently joined a support group for parents of children with adhd. it's been a different kind of learning for us. we've both read the books, and dug through resources, and even worked professionally with other children with adhd (my husband still does). what we've learned is that none of this can really prepare you for living through the day to day challenges associated with this disorder.

as one mom in the group said... some days are great, and other days are just really crappy. and while you may be thinking to yourself 'isn't this true for everyone?', it was the similarity of the stories and parallel in struggles that had us all quietly nodding and tearing up.

for me it has been tremendously healing to sit with these moms and dads. i can tell you now, that for many years i honestly thought it was me... that i was not a good mother. that i did not have what it took to be a mom. that something i was doing or not doing was really the cause of all the trouble. i honestly believed that. so much so that i was afraid to have another child and doubted that i ever would.

now as i am finding my way in my own motherhood and realizing the strength that i didn't even know i had, i am starting to reconcile some of these feelings. along the way i am learning... always learning about myself and my son.

most recently in group we learned about courage; the courage it takes for our kids to wake up and face each day... to go to school knowing it's going to be really challenging... to go to soccer practice and be the one that is always out of line... to be the kid that others don't really understand... to feel like you fail more than you succeed, but try anyway... to have to work ten times harder than most kids in everything you do... to want to stay focused but can't... to feel out of control most of the time...

and i got it, like a brick to the head.

courage.

unbelievable courage.

and resilliance.

my son at six years old is already a warrior.

signs of things to come

2009-11-19T15:55:00.005-05:00

first frost

i woke up to the first sugar coated frost of the season, and i realized how close the winter really is. fall is always too short for my liking, but i guess that is what makes it so glorious too. as the darkness spills into the daylight hours, i am busy filling all the baskets of my life like the little squirrels gathering nuts. i feel very centered, very hopeful, and all cozied up in a very comfortable, happy place. there are lot's of wonderful things to come...

so busy

2009-11-13T11:12:00.010-05:00

creating together

making applesauce for school

staying warm and cozy together

celebrating the small steps

and stretching my creativity

these are just a few glimpses of what i've been up to. on the whole life has been extremely full and very busy. i've recently noticed that i function best with a lot going on. it seems with a lot on my plate, the more momentum i have to get things done. this helps me dive into my days with more excitement and inspiration, and also fuels me with the much needed energy to be present for myself and my family.

for now i am enjoying being in this flow as i am getting ready to take some pretty significant creative~life leaps in the very near future. just yesterday i finally opened my etsy shop. it's been hanging around empty since last spring waiting for the right moment to open. this photo above shows the beginning stages of my first original piece up for sale. i am excited to have that space to share more of my creativity with the world.

at home, things with the boys have been moving so quickly it seems. the baby is growing in leaps and bounds, so many firsts already recorded! my oldest son is growing more into himself every day. he's got new passions (pokemon and harry potter), new friends (mostly girls :) and a new perspective on his own struggles and triumphs. it's been a whirlwind fall already and i feel like i've learned so much about myself as a parent these past few months, even more so than in the past couple of years. maybe #2 does that to you... shows you that beyond all the worry and the inexperience is the true parent that we are. i feel like i have just stepped into that place of my motherhood, and it feels so comfortable and good. it's given me a level of confidance that i never really knew i was missing, and has spilled over into all the areas of my life.

it must be what growing truly feels like!

inspire imagination

2009-11-02T09:41:00.009-05:00

my husband and i spent the day in the city yesterday exploring the new harry potter exhibit. it was a really fun look inside the imaginary movie world of those beloved hogwarts wizards and witches. there was so much to see... set pieces, movie costumes, original props, and movie magic secrets revealed. from an artistic point of view, it must have been so exciting to recreate this world for the big screen!

i loved seeing all the attention to every tiny detail, especially on the smallest of things - the buttons on the robes, the carvings on the wands, the wizard money, the packaging of the candy, all the graphic pieces that were made like the newspapers and textbooks and wizard magazines. some of my favorite things up close were professor umbridge's office (all pink, i loved the drapes), the griffendor dorms including contents of harry and ron's trunks, the yule ball gowns of hermione and cho, the marauders map, and the boggart wardrobe - such a beautiful piece.

creative imagination like this on such a grand scale is just so inspiring... if you can dream it, you can create it! simply magical.

recovering from the whirwind

2009-10-25T12:22:00.005-04:00

"pink sky" at detroit airport

i am back from a whirwind visit to the midwest. the littlest one and i traveled to ohio to spend some time with a whole slew of family who i haven't seen in a few years, and who were meeting the baby for the first time. we successfully navigated all the travelling and visiting and had a really nice time.

it amazes me how much calmer and more confident i am with this second one. i would never have been brave enough to fly solo with my first as an infant. he was a wonderful travel companion, happy to be out in the world, taking it all in, and smiling on every person who crossed his path. the flight attendant on the way home affectionately named him "cheeks".

poor big brother was home sick all week with dad, so today he and i are laying low, lounging in our pj's and catching up on our rest.

"cheeks" with his great grandma

postcards from my son

2009-10-14T08:57:00.007-04:00

all of these images were captured by my 6 year old over the past weekend. i love being able to see the world from his point of view... tiny but profound moments (like saying goodbye to his nana and grandpa at the airport), and the beauty of nature that truly brings him peace and joy. i especially love the self portrait and laugh out loud that he tried to take a picture of himself :) clever little boy!

it was a very busy and full week visiting with family, and being out of his normal routine made the days a little tricky to navigate. so in the stillness of a quiet house this morning, i uploaded these pictures as i thought about what i wanted to share. then, there on my screen was everything i could think to say and more. narrated in these moments are treasured little bits of happiness. even amidst the chaos there is meaningful yet simple joy. this is what we all try to capture and hold on to.

this is what i need to always remember, and hope to share.

remembering gratitude

2009-10-06T08:13:00.004-04:00

i am grateful tiny toes and for being able to kiss and nibble them whenever i want... i am grateful for the calm that always comes after the storm... i am grateful for all of the ways i know i am a good parent, especially in the moments when i'm not... i am grateful for having family to gather around us and make us feel loved and special... i am grateful for a love that makes me want always find my best self... i am grateful for having everything i need... i am grateful for the lessons my children teach me every day... i am grateful for having friends who truly understand me... i am grateful for almost always finding that my glass is half full and often overflowing... i am grateful for knowing that imperfect is really o.k... i am grateful for having dreams and hope... i am grateful for this day, this moment...

finding center

2009-09-30T07:27:00.003-04:00

there is so much going on these days. my head is overflowing with things to do, creative ideas, plans to come, caring for family, things to organize, and keeping it all in balance. i'm not very good with balance. i often tend to want to put all of my eggs into one or two baskets at a time when i need to be dividing them among many more. i am working on this as best i can as i know that this off-kilter existance can be a precursor to overwhelm and burn out for me.

so today, even though i want to spend the day creating away (i've got a painting in my head dying to get on canvas), i am going back to center by putting a little energy into all my baskets. some of them have been a little neglected as of late. at the end of the day i know that this is what will ultimately feel the most fullfilling. moderation i initially thought is the key, but rethinking this i believe that it is more about staying tuned into all facets of my life, not just the ones that are the easiest and most fun to focus on. because the things i take my energy away from start to wither and groan. and i definately hear a little groaning.

finding center is about touching upon all the things that matter to me and make my life a good and happy place to be. even if that means just paying the bills or getting my flu shot.

ups and downs

2009-09-28T20:54:00.009-04:00

simple joy-filled moments

(not so small) wonders... our weekend visitor, mr. mantis

the past few days have been a real mix of shiny moments and storm clouds. i've felt a bit raw and sensitive to everything...the good stuff and the bad. and there has been plenty of both: a sweet outdoor lunch date just me and my sleepy wee one; an email taking me 2+ hours to write due to fussy baby, homework resistance, and time-out; perfect fall weather; feeling crabby none the less; playing chase and tire swinging at the park; wii remotes being launched in frustration; amazing creatures found in the garden; a chaotic morning at nana's house; a new pair of boots; a little catch up time with my mom; not finding anything on my list of things i needed; homemade chocolate chip cookies; yelling; a night of uninterrupted sleep; a broken cell phone, all contents lost; a birthday party at the local farm; getting lost and being very late; pumpkin decorating, hay rides, and piniatas; getting soaked in the rain ; a patient husband holding down the fort; a lost vacation day spent running errands; connecting with an old friend; a long walk with an inconsolable baby; a yummy grilled dinner (thanks again to hubby); dishes falling and breaking; a long, hot shower; and just getting this all out.

in my world

2009-09-23T10:05:00.006-04:00

here in my little corner of the world we are chasing summer even though we've welcome the arrival of fall. beautiful warm sunny days followed by cool comfortable nights have been a blessing. the basin is still full of life... boaters, summer birds like the beautiful white cranes, and lots of fish and crawly things for little boys to catch.

we've gone back to school and started first grade. we rode the bus for the very first time. we are making new friends, meeting new families, finding our way through the longer days in the classroom. we are reading like nobody's business! i am always amazed by what an incredible little person my oldest son is growing up to be.

and so i have time... time to spend with the littlest one. who is smiling, and cooing and gurgling. he is happy to be with his mommy (most of the time :) and to hang out in the sunny studio listening to music and chasing dreams.

a glowing stacy at squam

there have been artful connections made and whirlwind adventures, which has sparked a flurry of creative activity around here. lists and projects cover my table. emails fill my in-box. things are moving forward and it's really, really exciting. and even though there are dishes in my sink, 18 things (still) on my to-do list, laundry by the cellar door, and not enough hours in the day, i find myself content in this moment like it is right where i am supposed to be.

embracing my truth

2009-09-17T08:45:00.006-04:00

this weekend i am diving into my creativity full-on. i will be stretching myself in lots of ways. it will mean cracking open and embracing who i am in a way that i haven't fully experienced yet, connecting with a sacred part of Me and ultimately connecting with so many other like minded women.

i am headed off to participate in a fabulous art workshop with some dear creative friends. after, together we will be travelling north to have a whirwind adventure inside the the inspiring world of squam. i can't wait to immerse myself in all the beautiful artful connections, some old and many new, and be surrounded by this community that fuels so much of my soul... i imagine it will feel a lot like coming home.

this much i know is true

2009-09-14T08:42:00.009-04:00

best friends in atlantic city, early 1960's

fifty-three years ago these three were boys and became the very best of friends. little did they know back then that they would not only forge lifelong friendships, a brotherhood in the truest sense of the word, but that they would create a legacy along the way.

this is my father (far right) and his two oldest and closest friends. they have been inseperable since long before i can remember. they are my family, born not of blood but out of sharing years and years of life together and a kind of bond that is extremely precious and rare. they created something beyond themselves, a rich and joyful tapestry of past and present, memories and traditions, friendship and love, that continues to weave together the lives of everyone in thier wake... i feel incredibly blessed to be one of those people. so many times i have sat in a room filled with this tribe, and felt overwhelmed and awed with gratitude. i couldn't imagine my life without them having been a part of it.

this past week we had to say goodbye to one. though he was not well for some time, the loss of someone close always takes you by surprise and knocks the wind out of you. it makes you take stock, reminds you of what is most important, and offers you another day to get it right. i've learned so much from these men, about the meaning of family, about the virtue of loyalty, about the essence of living a life meant to be enjoyed and especially shared.

it unquestionably is the end of something significant and irreplaceable; a life, an era, a chapter of a story that though changed will continue to be told. i now know that long after these three have gone on, thier legacy will persist through everyone they've shined upon and encircled with the gift of thier friendship.

sharing the bounty

2009-09-08T12:46:00.001-04:00

fresh zucchini bread baked from veggies from our garden
...a little loaf for each of our neighbors

sweet peaches picked fresh from a neighbor's tree
and brought right to our door

homemade quiche creating family time around the table

it has been a very bountiful summer. our home has been overflowing with so much goodness. it feeds my soul and grounds me in deep gratitude. makes me want to to savor all the little things and share all that i can.

always brothers

2009-08-06T06:28:00.004-04:00

such a beautiful notion. this was created for my boys especially by armani. isn't is so sweet? i think of the future and hope that they will have a long and beautiful relationship. for a while i thought of my first being an only child. now, i am so happy that the two of them will always have each other (even after i am gone). there is a tremendous comfort and joy in that... that family will always persist and be an important cornerstone in their lives. a mother can dream :)

catching up

2009-07-29T10:53:00.005-04:00

i've been...

getting more sleep than expected
loving being a baby momma again
watching my first enjoy being a big brother
planning for 10 relatives to stay and visit next week

so excited to join leah and jenn for this upcoming creative workshop
creating e-vites for a 6th birthday party
trying to stay cool in hot and humid weather
enjoying lot's of family time with a laid back summer schedule
out to see the new harry potter while nana came and babysat
carrying my new diaper bag, but forgot how much stuff you need to lug around
amazed at how the summer is flying by
working on making birth announcements
reading the twilight series again, getting ready for new moon this fall
so grateful for the overflow of well wishes for our new family of four
watching too much t.v. but enjoying it while i can
sipping wine again and taste testing the new trendy boxed kind
recording, once again, all the firsts... like first bath (so cute :)
kissing chubby cheeks, tiny toes, wiggly fingers
marveling at just how big, big brother really is and how much he has grown up

hello world

2009-07-21T15:28:00.002-04:00

almost 2 weeks...
and we are slowly waking up
healing and resetting
finding our new rhythm
of days and nights melting together
and simply being together
as a new family of four

our (second) bundle of joy

2009-07-11T07:58:00.003-04:00

a little brother is here!

born july 9th at 2:30am
two weeks early and a healthy
8lbs. 5oz.

we couldn't be more in love.

a gentle knock

2009-07-03T08:19:00.007-04:00

lately i have been tired and slowly chipping away at my to-do list without any real sense of urgency. yesterday though, it hit me... i have two weeks left and still lots to do! so with a burst of energy (i guess what they would consider a true nesting instinct) i spent the day busy running errands, finishing cleaning and organizing the nursary, and getting ready for this baby to actually arrive. by 9pm, withough having had my usual afternoon nap, i was still not tired and felt restless and a little off. then the contractions began coming... 6 minutes apart, 5 minutes apart... not very strong, but surely there. by 1 in the moring i was still contracting and not really able to sleep so i called my doctor. was this it?

my husband gulped down a cup of coffee and started packing bags for my son and for us. at the doctors suuggestion i hopped into the shower to see what, if anything would happen, and nothing really changed. by 3am, i finally felt tired and it seemed my contractions might be slowing down so i decided to catch a few hours of sleep.

showing other small signs of early labor now, i am heading off to my doctors this morning to get checked. having anticipated a planned c-section, the thought of going through labor and then delivering by cesarean (again) would not be ideal, but whatever will be, will be. my instincts are telling me though my baby is knocking gently on the door and it's almost time. part of me is excited with the anticipation of finally meeting this little one... another part of me is wishing the baby would just wait a wee bit longer, not really sure if i am absolutely ready.

truly the best of all scenarios is that we simply end up with a healthy and happy baby.

it won't be long...

milestones

2009-06-23T08:41:00.004-04:00

yesterday we finished our last day of kindergarten. it was a big day and full of mixed emotions... the joy of accomplishment and success, and the sorrow of leaving the safe little educational nest this year has built for us behind. as a parent these milestones are so wonderfully momentous. as a parent of a child with special needs these milestones are huge in a different kind of way (though i don't really know otherwise), and often bitter sweet.

the road is always long. sometimes this is a gift, as it forces us to appreciate the small shiny gems of our own measures of success. sometimes not so much, as there are other days when the challenges feel impossibly insurmountable.

my son has an incredible self awareness for a little person only six years old. though at any given time the adhd has his his world whirling and spinning too fast, he is able to later reflect and talk about his feelings in a quiet moment of calm. this always amazes me. his emotional maturity. his resilliance. his perfectly imperfect self that i see so achingly clearly in these moments. this morning was one of those times when at the breakfast table he shared a sound dose of wisdom far beyond his years.

as his mother i want everything to be easy for him, and the reality is that this is simply not the case. the journey from point A to point B is never a straight line. sometimes one of the hardest things as a parent, as his parent, is accepting this basic fact. i am still learning and imagine i always will be.

so with this big milestone we are celebrating not just a graduation, but more importantly the zillions of tiny steps it has taken us as a family to successfully get here... the learning we all had to do along the way to see him in this moment, standing alongside his peers, for this simple right of passage.

it makes my heart swell with pride and a complex joy that is hard to describe, but it is a moment i know i will remember forever.

taking it as it comes

2009-06-19T07:54:00.005-04:00

here i am at 35 weeks... huge right? everyone i run into asks me if i am due any day now, and i have to say "nope, got a month left", and then there is lots of smiling and head shaking with the reply "you're not going to make it... i bet you'll go early!". as much as that notion appeals, i am hoping that all goes as planned... but we all know the saying about best laid plans.

in between now and july 17th (the day of my c-section), there is still lots to do... finish up kindergarten, get settled into the new rhythm of summer camp, an unexpected trip to the dentist to fix a broken tooth (yuck), a consultation with the new pediatrician, plan a sixth birthday party, await the replacement part to the crib we lost and finally put it together, meet my delivering obstetrician, organize the wishstudio for the summer, register and pack our bags for the hospital, treat myself to a pedicure since my toes are completely out of reach and a wreck, and so on...

i'm trying to go with the flow and listen to my body and soul each day. some days i have more emotional and physical energy than others, and some days i have little of either. sleep has become irratic and i have been often finding myself wide awake in the night, so i take that time to work on baby names or dream about the future. baby brain seems to be kicking in early, and i feel a bit scattered and emotional.

it's all a rollercoaster ride... the usual really.

just busy with life

2009-06-17T07:34:00.008-04:00

catching up with mama nina and her little beans is always such a sweet joy. there's hugs and smiles and easy conversation. always talk of crafty stuff and creative dreams, babies, school aged triumphs and woes, family goodness, and the everyday craziness of life. it's refreshing. it's simple but magical. it's just what i needed. and my little man got to practice his big brother skills on the littlest ninabeaner babe {who he has lovingly dubbed honalulu}. with the sun finally shining and time to share with friends, it was the perfect morning.

tender spots

2009-06-11T08:09:00.008-04:00

this week i am feeling the weight... of life, of the baby growing inside of me, of everything unknown. i'm feeling very tender and sensitive and unsure about a lot of things, and i've been holding on to the things that are helping me get through these days like my son's smile, my husband's encouragement, the little wiggles inside my tummy, and staying connected with my creativity and the people and things that really bring me joy. i am carefully putting one foot in front of the other.

on the cusp of so many changes i feel like a caterpillar wanting to crawl into a safe and snug cacoon, to shut out the world so i can focus simply on growing, becoming and soon emerging into a new life. still i know, now is not the time to retreat.

i've been reading a little about prenatal and postpartum depression and was surprised to find some daunting statistics... that an estimated 1/3 of all mother's with young children are dealing with some kind of depression, and that prenatal depression is actually more common than postpartum just not as clearly diagnosed due to blame on hormones. though i am not quite there, i know that slipping into that place is not a giant leap for me having been prone to depression in the past. i am treading carefully and buffering up my support where i can. some days are easier than others and i am taking it one moment at a time.

in this moment i am quietly content and looking forward to embracing the day. there are emails to send, things to cross off my to-do list, playdates to make, time for a nap and time for play, happy endings to celebrate, and projects to work on. every little bit is helping to move me forward and to soften the aches and pains of a life that is simply growing.

*edited to add... thank for all your loving comments and emails! i felt your words like a big hug and appreciate the validation and wisdom more than you know. xo

studio time

2009-06-08T08:22:00.003-04:00

amidst a very busy weekend, i spent a few heavenly hours in the studio yesterday and created this. inspired by the many amazing mixed midia artists i seem to be drawn to these days, i wanted to try my hand at something similar. so with paint, rubber stamps, some vintage bits and ephemera i made this piece as a gift for a very special sweet 16 year old friend on her birthday. she is an artsy soul just beginning to blossom, and the thought of simply sharing a piece of art with her made my own heart happy. it is something i would have loved to have received when i was 16; the color, the messege, the inspiration and really just the possibilities... then i realized this is just where i am right now too, embracing it all and dreaming big!

a gift

2009-06-04T07:48:00.003-04:00

i recently received this lovely gift from a sweet creative soul who has twirled into my life via the wishstudio. lucky me. i have been reading her book in delicious savored doses every night since the package arrived at my doorstep. i am truly touched and inspired.

there is something about the richness of a creative unfolding that so intrigues me. while i love crafty how-to books and beautiful books on artful techniques, my heart really connects with personal stories of an artist's becoming. i naturally connect to the emotion, the soaring impulses, the reality and messiness of it all. it is what i feel in my own life too.

finding the richness in the day to day can sometimes be a challange, especially with children, laundry, bills etc... but therin also lies the gift!

band aid

2009-06-01T20:36:00.011-04:00

after having a complete meltdown
it was simply just what i needed.

{peanutbutter, chocolate and whipped cream
chased by milk and apologies}

opening up

2009-05-29T07:54:00.008-04:00

my mother's day orchids in bloom

i am feeling my voice bubbling up today. it is a deep vibration coming from the center of my being. it is wanting to simply speak, to be set free. there is nothing earthshattering to share. no big exciting news or groundbreaking crisis, there is just my voice wanting to speak.

i feel...good. ok. and that is good enough for right now. i feel the changes that are upon me like a light misty rain with the sun still peeking through. the deluge is soon to come, and i am getting ready. i've been trying very hard to take care of myself and nurture all the different aspects of my life that i am embracing today and carrying into tomorrow. i can clearly see the path and the scenery beyond...the joy, the sleeplessness, the challanges, the love blossoming, and even the big unknown. it is all there, a definite part of my immediate future.

at 32 weeks pregnant i am getting more disorganized and forgetful. my head is a little weary and full, and my body is begging me to slow down too. i hear the clock ticking down the time and it excites me and terrifies me at the same time.

i realize i am ready though, and this is very comforting. the house may not be completely in order and i still need to unearth the infant car seat, but i feel like i have most of my mental ducks in a row, and for me that is huge.

it's been almost 6 long years since i have held an infant in my arms, and there were many, many days in between that i believed that i would not ever be a mother of two. i honestly didn't know if i had it in me. i always wished i was easily able, but i just seriously doubted that i was meant to care for more than one little human.

i haven't really shared much of the nitty gritty of my son's childhood and becoming his mother. it's been a beautifully messy, long and winding road, and i feel a bit protective about sharing what has been a really emotional journey for me. i know someday soon i will. i guess this is kind of the beginning.

as i wonder about what to share here, i find myself aways coming back to a place of authenticity even if that means shedding light on some of the darker corners in my world. i tend to want to only show the joy and the light here, of which there is gratefully an abundance of, but i often feel like i am only painting one kind of picture. i just want to share a little honesty. that's all.

comfort in little rituals

2009-05-26T09:30:00.006-04:00

with all the changes and chaos in life, our family finds comfort in these little rituals we have established over the years...

* sundays, early in the morning while dad sleeps in, we feed this little goose family and then head off to todd farm, the nearby antique market affectionately know to my son as the "treasure farm". we always find a treasure to bring home.

*during the week, there is always snuggle time in the morning, even if i am awake first and have already started my day, my son will climb into my empty bed and call me back for a little cozy moment together. there is always butterfly kisses, lots of laughter, some sneak attack tickling, a kiss (without a raspberry if i'm lucky), and maybe even a thumb war or two.

* we never miss 10am and 3pm snacktimes. ever. we are all about good snackin'!

* evenings consist of family time - a half an hour of something we do all together, usually a game, then a little wind-down t.v. time, and plenty of stories to read before bed.

* after lunch and before school, we have a moment to read a story together. for some reason my son likes to read his oldest books during this time... books that he loved to read as a toddler and a baby, even some of his tattered old board books. such nostalgia is very sweet.

* friday nights are pizza and game night, where mom doesn't have to cook and dad gets to play wii for a while. fun for all :)

* saturday mornings are always pancakes for breakfast...the thin french kind that dad makes from his perfected recipe, with real maple syrup, whipped cream and love.

in between there is always the regular flow of committments and responsibilities like school, t-ball, swim class and such, which all help keep us grounded in our week. then somehow everything else fits in... family, friends, creative time, work, outside time, gardening, cleaning, food shopping, etc. etc. sometimes it all seems managable. sometimes it is completely chaotic, but it is a life that is full and good and one that i wouldn't trade for anything.

the start of our beach season

2009-05-22T07:19:00.007-04:00

it promised to be a beautiful day. the kind of day that's so nice, you consider playing hookie from school or work and other responsibilities. with a bright blue sky and temps reaching into the 90's, the beach finally beckoned. our first drive of the season through the peaceful and scenic sanctuary and out to sandy point to play and relax among the plovers and the locals. the water was crystal clear and friends with the same idea were gathered there too. we nibbled on fresh pineapple and smart puffs, basked in the sun, and dug little rivers and streams in the sand. it all was so lovely, so lovely until...

we were headed home and off to school (resisting said urge to play hookie, like a good mom :) and i locked my keys in the car. ugh...unbelievable! thank god i had my cell phone in hand.

needless to say in spite of all my good intentions, we missed school anyway waiting in the beach parking lot for my AAA hero, mike who was so nice, to arrive. during the two hour wait (where i would have been napping while my son was in school) i got a sunburn, and my little guy was lamenting over missing school and not being able to go back to the beach and his friends because we had to wait by the car for the tow truck.

people passing by felt bad for us... me in my huge 31 week pregnant state and my sad little boy beside me, we were given sympathetic donations of food and water and even a few shared tales of similar situations from strangers. one man said his wife used to lock herself out of the car so often he made are always wear a spare key... my son thought this was a seriously good idea. i am happy to report there is still kindness in the world, at least if your pregnant and stranded at the beach.

hopefully the rest of our beach season will be filled with more relaxation and a lot less drama.

one of my most favorite things

2009-05-20T05:56:00.008-04:00

one week in may
every year
my house smells like heaven
and i feel wrapped in love by mother earth

nesting

2009-05-17T08:19:00.001-04:00

we are in serious nesting mode... yesterday we spent the day cleaning out the basement (o.k. my husband did), unearthing all the baby stuff stored away and shuffling around furniture from room to room to create the new nest that will soon become a home for four. i've been planning this reorganization in my head for so long (it seems) and to finally get things moving it feels exciting and good, but a little scary too. it's beginning to feel very real...this new addition, whereas just a few months ago the baby felt more like a possibility. our world is going to be shaken up, and i am anxious to see how the all pieces resettle into what will be our new normal.

for now, i am enjoying the process of expanding and becoming... getting our physical world ready for the big change. i am in the process of moving my studio out of the spare bedroom that will become the baby's room, and refitting a smaller somewhat unfinished room to be my new creative haven. thinking about color and storage and all the possibilities is so fun! i love organizing and setting up. it really puts me in my happy place :)

the baby furniture has finally been moved out of my son's bedroom, and his position as big brother is beginning to materialize (which is kind of choking me up surprisingly). his new room will be redecorated and complete with his own bunk bed "tree house" (inspired by the magic tree house book series) where he can escape to his toys, books and imagination. he and i have a lot of fun and creative ideas for this. i'll be sure to show pictures as it comes together.

as for the baby's room, it will be kept plain and simple for now. i know when we meet our new little one i will then be inspired to create the perfect cozy little world. for now, not knowing if it will be a daughter or a son, i am content to just wait and see and dream of possibilities...

some things to share

2009-05-12T08:02:00.010-04:00

amidst many special treats
a little vintage diary found at sunday morning's treasure farm
and happy mother's day wishes

scooby in the studio helping me make a baby quilt
for a brand new little niece

another yummy vintage quilt to add to my collection

and a sweet and very sad farewell to my longtime furry friend
elliott...

for 18 years he was a much loved and devoted companion
who will be greatly missed

stretching my creative wings

2009-05-07T08:21:00.005-04:00

local farmstand and flower shop

lately i have been feeling my creativity brimming up to the surface like a clear, sparkling fountain. i wake up in the morning with fresh ideas, and greet the day looking forward to whatever creative adventure lies ahead. i've been craving experiences of the senses, artist's dates of all sorts...trips to the local farm stand and flower shop, time in my studio, nosing around the corner consignment and vintage stores, winding my way click by click into creative blog world, getting lost in the isles of bookstores and craft shops, wandering the quaint neighborhood streets coming alive with color and new life.

connecting with so many of you by working in the new wishstudio has injected my days with inspiration and light and is encouraging me to really stretch my creative wings again. it feels exciting and joyful and comforting all at the same time.

as i go through this new evolution, i am learning more about my own creative process and what my creativity means to me. it is beginning to come more into focus... that i am a curator of creativity rather than a producer of art. though i thought for many years i would find my path among other working artists (my etsy shop sits empty and waiting), i think now that i am more destined to inspire and bring creative souls together. this is a whole other creative process and one i never really considered as an artful destination, yet here is where i find myself.

that is not to say i don't enjoy making art and creating hands on, but i'm finding my creative passion really comes alive when i find new inspiration, connect with creative souls, and can share this with the world. it is the experience of creating and feeling inspired that i love, and better yet, that i am finding how this one common denominator connects so many of us in this beautiful wide world.

today is a new day

2009-05-01T08:39:00.004-04:00

the emotional climate in this family can sometimes be wildly unpredictable. we often need to stop and take a few deep breaths (or a mommy time-out). at the end of the day i sometimes find myself saying to my son, and myself, "tomorrow is a new day". i realize that i've said it often enough that he now reminds me... "tomorrow's a new day, mom." this is something i have always tried to teach him, that each day, each moment really, is new...

a new opportunity to be happy,
to make better choices,
to find a new adventure,
to make new wishes,
to do things differently,
to try something new,
to reach outside of ourselves,
to be grateful for all we have,
to find a better way,
to be one step closer,
to learn from our mistakes,
to move towards hope,
to laugh and play,
to forgive and forget,
to make magic,
to believe anything is possible...

and thus, he is teaching me.

i'm slowly learning :)

back in the wishstudio

2009-04-29T17:26:00.012-04:00

so much to share... come join us!

there's no place like home

2009-04-27T16:33:00.005-04:00

back from sunny florida, and we seemed to have brought the warm weather with us... yay! there is nothing like sleeping in your own bed after a bit of time away. i have a thing about this actually... i have to always leave the house with clean sheets on all the beds. this drives my husband a little crazy i think, when i scramble around at the last minute to wash and remake all the beds only to leave them empty for some nights. there's just something about slipping into my own freshly made bed after sleeping on someone elses spare or pull-out that makes me so happy and content :) it makes re-entry into life back at home a little more comforting. what are your homecoming rituals?

i also loved coming home this weekend to put my feet in our own warm beach sand, see a baby lamb be born, plant the seeds for our vegetable garden, go to a lovely coctail party, spend the day with my parents, have some quiet time in the studio creating, and to watch both my boys in their little league debut as coach and player #14. yes, home sweet home.

making memories

2009-04-20T07:00:00.013-04:00

i am living in the moment right now, enjoying time away form the chilly northeast and watching my little boy soak in the florida sun as well as precious time with loving family. we are here celebrating my husband's 40th birthday (planned a little early because of baby to come), so this is really his special time.

this trip was a complete surprise to him, and i can't believe we were able to pull it off - so fun! it's something that has been in the works for months, but he just found out the week before.

i love surprises! they are as fun to give as they are to receive...the planning, the anticipation, and especially the moment of the big reveal. magical! the stuff that makes lasting memories. so we're here, making more of those memories...

cute as a button

2009-04-16T16:35:00.003-04:00

i have been on the hunt for some vintage buttons for a baby project i have in mind. who knew that they would be so tricky to find? seems everywhere i go, they have been recently cleaned out of them. today i was lucky enough to find these adorable button cards. i so love the little hot pink retangular ones. my son said they look like pez! not sure they will fit in to my current project, but i just couldn't pass them up. they'll be stashed away in my collection.

the little ceramic button container used to be my nana's, and i remember loving to look in there as a kid. she had so many buttons in all shapes and sizes and colors, and i can remember going to the craft store with her to pick out the perfect buttons for whatever sweater she might have been knitting at the time. i loved those trips. i know many of my creative genes comes from her...happy crafty memories. i love that these remind me of her.

juicy goodness

2009-04-14T06:47:00.007-04:00

morning sunshine, big surprises, a trip to florida in 4 days, candy scented glitter pens, easter colors, hand painted cards, turquoise and red, vintage buttons, baby book inspirations, bead shopping, new flip flops, laughter, hot pink toenails, reading new blogs, making birthday cards, trips to the farmers market, sweet strawberries, new studio ideas, creative friends, tiny heartbeats, browsing at the bookstore, packing suitcases, blowing bubbles, fresh markers, alone time, summer plans, eating brunch, stripy socks, invitations, mommy playdates, seeds to plant.

what's good and juicy in your world? go on and share...

a little motherhood truth

2009-04-08T07:32:00.001-04:00

i've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately. i guess pregnancy will do that to you. after catching this oprah (if you're a mom, check it out - and by the way a couple of our favorite mom bloggers were on as guests), i wanted to share a little of my own mommy truth.

while i wouldn't trade being a mom for anything in the world, motherhood is really hard. it's harder than i ever imagined it would be. it's not just the nuances of my own motherhood, which do pose their own unique set of challenges, but it's the universal struggles i think we all face as moms...the sacrifice, the little pieces of ourselves that we have to give up in order to become "mom", the constant need of our care and time and attention, always wondering if we are making the right choices for our children, and the tremendous emotional rollercoaster that is the day-in and day-out of desperately loving a little human being (like this mom recently shared). it's exhausting.

for me, motherhood has been a very isolating experience. part of it is being a stay at home mom and dedicating the majority of my time to my son, but i think a lot of it is simply the way i feel alone in a lot of my motherhood experiences...like i am the only one at times feeling worried or inadequate or frustrated or insane (anyone nodding their head?).

but i am not alone (and neither are you!), and in acknowledging that i always try to tap into the deeper connection of the collective motherhood experience. i talk with other mom friends, listen, read books, search for support in groups, admire and gain inspiration from the accomplishments of other mothers, share in laughter (like watching this new show), and celebrate all the joys of motherhood, of which there are so many. all of this helps to remind me that i am part of one of the largest and most beautiful woman tribes. by openly sharing our stories, experiences and especially our support it also helps us all realize we are being the best moms we know how to be, and that is more than good enough.

here are some other great motherhood related links, all created by amazing and inspiring local boston moms: motherwords magazine, mommies who shop up and coming designer event for and by moms, children's drop and shop consignment extravaganza, manic mommies podcast.

what is your motherhood truth?

sparkle and shine*

2009-04-03T09:35:00.000-04:00

everything around me is growing and expanding... not just my big round belly :) it's the hallmark of spring and a prelude of things to come. i am very busy in my head lately, thinking, dreaming, planning, imagining, and as the weather begins to warm i am slowly blooming into action.

there is much to do and inspiration and opportunities are all around me. each day i am sifting through all there is... in my motherhood, in my creativity, and in the infinate possibilities of living a life overflowing at the brim.

i feel open to whatever there is to come, and i am trying not to push things too hard in one direction or another. for now i am enjoying the sparkle and shine of what each new day brings.

me, right now

2009-03-26T14:08:00.012-04:00

i am... 23 weeks pregnant and starting to feel big (which has been a big part of the reason for my winter hibernation ~ surprise! :) * still recovering from a nasty cold that has been keeping me awake at night * thinking a lot about the next phase of the wishstudio and getting really excited * feeling the baby kick as i type this * soaking up as much inspiration as i can from blogs, books, and creative friends like you * imagining myself as a mother of two * so looking forward to the warm weather and the promise of spring * grateful to see the ocean every day * loving the quote "your life is your practice" * wanting to make time for all the good things * finding the direction of my creative path * going to prenatal yoga every week and meeting other yoga mamas * holding on to hope * purging, reorganizing and starting to nest * taking more pictures again, which help me to live in the moment * amazed at how my son has grown and will soon be on to first grade * trying to think of names for this little one to be (suggestions welcome!)... what are you up to these days?

snips and snails and puppydog tails

2009-03-24T09:09:00.009-04:00

our new addition...

a sweet puppy named scooby-doo :) can you guess who named him?

emerging

2009-03-20T10:11:00.003-04:00

finding peace in paint and paper

i am slowly emerging from my winter hibernation, and my creative soul is begining to stir again. i've been quietly busy... looking inward, taking stock, and getting my footing while things continue to swirl around me. my life is growing and filling in to spaces that i never even knew were there. the expansion is exciting and beautiful and messy and sometimes even painful, but it's all a part of my journey. i'm embracing all there is to be grateful for, and choosing to hold on to everything good.

a captured moment

2009-03-14T08:33:00.002-04:00

bright winter moon photo, by me

inspired winter moon quilt created by twila blume

i took this picture last winter, under a starry sky, while at a bonfire and sledding party in the dark, hilly woods. there were lots of children and peels of laughter in the night, toasted marshmallows and burnt hotdogs on sticks, runny noses and icy cold toes, happy faces lit by flames and glowsticks, and many shared stories and smiles. it was a shiny moment during a long winter, and the memories still warm me today.

twila recently found the photo on an old blog post and was inspired to weave her own magic from the moment i captured...isn't her quilt amazing? i love how art is always centered in emotion, both expressive and evocative. it is most often why we create, to release something from our souls through our hands and out into the world. what a beautiful way to connect.

coming out of hibernation

2009-03-06T11:54:00.003-05:00

soon... :)

a leap of passion

2008-11-15T09:44:00.019-05:00

the last 48 hours have been a blur... an exciting, dreamy, surreal, kind of crazy blur. anyone who is a twilight fan can probably relate to my minor obsession with the upcoming movie release next week. i was clicking around on the website last thursday and surprisingly found out that rob pattinson was going to be making an appearence at a local mall the very next day!

i spent the day surfing, calling, and reading about the event which was expected to be complete mayhem... only 500 wristbands were going to be given out to meet robert and get his autograph, and they were expecting thousands. needless to say i made the last minute decision to sacrifice a night's worth of sleep to go bask in the crazy fandom of fellow twilighters, and go for this once in a lifetime opportunity... it wasn't just about simply meeting "edward", it was more about being a part of something so exciting and so passion driven that it would be an experience i would remember forever.

so from 6pm thursday until 8am the next day, i camped outside a mall (you can see me in the t.v. news clip here!) and weathered the cold, wind and rain and bonded together with hundreds of other crazy souls just like me... and my friend's teenage daughter was dying for this chance to meet rob if i secured the prize, so i did it for her *wink*.

the event was unbelievable (there is a great video of the evening here) and i had such an amazing time through every moment of the entire experience. i am so glad that i didn't stop to think, and i just made the leap.

3 jars of money :: a metaphor for life

2008-11-03T07:30:00.013-05:00

my 5 year old son has been bitten early by the money bug. he is beginning to feel the powerful lure of the dollar and knows that it is a means to get him things he wants. he has already asked us for an allowance (which we have decidedly said no to), and is further fascinated by the notion of winning money as on a scratch ticket (sadly, after noticing that the world is littered with them and inquiring about them).

admittedly, i am not the greatest of finacial planners by any stretch of the imagination and it is something i need to continually work on, especially this day in age. as a child i remember my feelings about money more than i remember the practicality of how to manage it. i had a big plastic piggy bank that i regularly pilchered quarters and dollar bills from, tenaciously using a bobby pin to coax them out the top slot as it had no other access. saving my money was never a big priority as i was fortunate enough to have all my needs met, and many of my wants, when i was growing up...yet wanting and having i realize are only a small part of the equasion.

i want my son to have the entire formula, and i hope to help him gain the skills and desire to successfully control his financial destiny. i see managing all those nickles and dimes today as a powerful metaphor for living a balanced and happy life tomorrow.

inspired by an article written by another mom, i adopted her wonderful idea of 3 jars of money. the concept is simple enough for a young child to understand but the richness of the lessons are endless and can be built upon as my son gets older, which is why i love it!

together, my son and i labeled 3 containers: save, give, spend. we talked a bit about what each of these meant and why they are all important...that when the save jar is full we will get to go to the bank and deposit the money into his savings account, using his very own bank book, and he can watch that number grow and grow...how when the give jar is full he can decide what cause he wants to support and how good it feels to be able to help those in need...then of course how when his spend jar fills up what he might decide to go and buy with that money.

he happily went to the task of sorting his money among the three jars, excited that he could decide where his coins would go. as he learns this new concept, we agreed that when he has money he must put something into each jar, but he gets to choose how much goes in each (of course most went into the spend jar, but that's ok for now). when he is older i imagine we will work out percentages in a more mature and mathmatical way as we build on the complexities of budgeting and saving. by then though, i hope he will be well on his way to understanding the freedom that comes from being responsible and thoughtful with his money. it is an invaluable gift i think.

love, life and whoopie pies

2008-10-27T14:12:00.012-04:00

it was a blissful time in maine. my husband and i ran off child-free to finally celebrate our big 10. we lounged, drank martinis, got dressed up and snuggled close. lots of talking and listening, serious and silly, all good. we wined and dined and were wooed by this siren's beautiful music. we slept in late together, then strolled along the rocky shore eating chocolate and holding hands. perfect.

on the drive home, my husband remembered this restaurant we had eaten at over the summer, and how they claimed to have the best whoopie pies ever. even martha stewart left a rave review. he was suddenly inspired to finally try one of these little pieces of heaven, so we made the easy detour. i left him smiling and went inside to go get his anticipated treat. when i returned to the car empty handed, he at once was full of questioning disbelief and disappointment like i had forgotten the one thing i went in there for. i buckled myself in the car and turned to squarely face him..."the whoopie pie lady died." he wasn't expecting that, and his expression hung blankly for a moment as he registered the gravity of the news.

we spoke briefly about mortality and regret, and how experiences and opportunities are there for us one moment and gone the next. we thought about the joy this woman had shared, simply created from chocolate and cream, and we longed to experience a bit of that joy.

we drove away empty handed but full of the reminder of a deeper connection, and to always, always taste life.

live the life :: my life coaching journey {part 1}

2008-10-20T09:49:00.000-04:00

i've looked ahead and can see looming the possibility of the second half...of my life that is. some might call it a mid life crisis, others might see it as wisdom gained through experience. to me it feels like a reawakening of sorts. both familiar and new at the same time. it's not because of the passing of a new year or because of a dramatic event...it's simply a shift that i can feel seeping slowly into all the corners of my soul.

i've taken this shift as a sign. that things need to change, and most importantly that they can change. so i am embracing this momentum and am plunging into my life in new ways that feel exciting and real and meaningful. i am reaffirming my committment to myself and taking steps to create the life i really want to live (not simply talking and thinking about it - i do a lot of that). doing it. for real. and holding myself accountable too. and it feels so good already.

i've begun working with a life coach, and my first session was really a wonderful experience. rebecca, my coach, is so intuitive and kind and smart and funny too. she is able to read between the lines, and helps me to see myself more clearly. this process of talking about myself in an open and meaningful way is really such a good exercise for me...i'm admittedly not that good at baring my soul to most people. it's hard for me, which is probably why i like to blog. though this is very freeing and feels full of possibility and power. it parallels therapy in some ways, but it's a very different experience moving forward from a positive perspective seeking growth than talking through a crisis seeking healing (which has its merits too). she calls it a kind of "positive psychology", working from a good place in your life and finding the path to the extraordinary! i love this idea, and am really grateful to have this opportunity to work with her. even after one conversation, i feel a sense of tremendous support and insight that i know will be an invaluable resourse in my life going forward.

overall, i am learning to better listen to my own needs, desires, and especially boundries as i tend to see things in a very all-or-nothing way. more importantly i am working to find ways to apply these elements to my life in a balanced and fullfilling way. i'm art journaling for the first time, i'm back in the yoga studio with a new great vinyasa teacher, i'm reading and taking part in jamie's book group, i'm making time for myself without guilt and thus having more space to share and be with others, i'm feeling and releasing and slowly expanding. an important part of my journey is happening right now, i can feel it. and i am so ripe to learn all i can.

how do you live the life?

a peek at my life from my email in box

2008-10-15T13:19:00.004-04:00

from: rebecca
re: our first life coaching "meeting" this saturday

from: kathryn
re: a lovely comment left for me here

from: noel
re: book club and connecting with like-minded local women

from: nina
re: great getting together last friday!

from: mommies who shop
re: thanks for joining our community

from: lisa
re: seeking art for consignment, and opportunities to teach here

from: yoga center of newburyport
re: october classes and yoga book club

from: library
re: your request for soul coaching has been submitted

from: naturally nina
re: i gave you this award

from: jonathan's restaurant
re: ticket purchase and dinner reservations confirmed

from: my son's teacher
re: revised kindergarden class list

from: continental airlines
re: flight itinerary for family coming to visit in a couple of weeks

from: the harraseeket inn
re: reservation confirmation for annual mother/daughter shopping weekend

from: the children's museum of new hampshire
re: fall events

love times 10

2008-10-11T07:02:00.004-04:00

remembering, celebrating, and sharing a little of what i know after 10 years of marriage...

10 things about or wedding day on 10.11.98 :
1. his father was granted a one day justice of the peace designation to perform the ceremony and legally marry us (which you can do in massachusetts!)...and he did a beautiful job
2. our best man gave an infamous 20 minute (no kidding) heartfelt, and soulbearing toast
3. our wedding song was "always" by ella fitzgerald
4. he surprised me with a reading of the classic e.b. browning poem during the ceremony, which brought me to tears
5. the florist forgot all the fresh flowers for the wedding cake, so my mom stuck her little posey boquet on the top...and i never even noticed.
6. i wore a special amethyst locket around my wrist that was my nana's, in honor of her that day
7. every single guest passed and lit candles during the ceremony to signify the joining of our families
8. the patriots won the game that afternoon, and all was well for the groom and his guys
9. it rained all morning, but the sun broke through as we got into the limo to go to the ceremony...i remember that moment like a smile from the universe
10. we kissed a little unabashedly after we were pronounced husband and wife

10 things i will always love about him:
1. the he is the father of our son and always loving, teaching, giving and learning
2. his mountain-man, biker wannabe, metrosexual, hippie spirit
3. that korean food is his very favorite
4. the great nostalgia he has for things of his childhood, and how he is still a kid at heart
5. his dedication, hard work and excellence as a director, forward thinker, and difference-maker
6. that he won over my mother first, by just being himself
7. he really is my very best friend and someone i've always admired
8. how, when saying goodbye, he says "i love you" to his dad
9. he makes the best sweedish pancakes and homemade hummas, carves the coolest halloween pumpkins, and likes to go shopping with me
10. that he's been in downward dog, has used an embossing tool, and has even eaten gefilte fish because he's always game to try new things {for me*}

10 favorite gifts he has given to me:
1. the movie harold and maude for valentines day
2. a ficus tree now 8 years old, because he believes in giving living flora, not cut flowers
3. a silver posey ring inscribed with pence de moi (think of me)
4. all the mixed cd's he's made me, and more music than i can possibly mention
5. my first digital camera
6. a bracelet engraved with my son's initials right after he was born
7. my 20 degree, periwinkle blue, "short" r.e.i. sleeping bag
8. some of my favorite books: the timetraveler's wife, twilight, animal dreams, the giant's house
9. a candle lantern
10. a surprise 30th birthday party, chocolate cake and all, at one of our favorite restaurants

10 things he has taught me:
1. to appreciate and enjoy a much broader spectrum of music
2. that love is about the everyday magic of unwavering support
3. to explore and appreciate mountaintops, canyons, and all of the outdoors
4. to expand my food horizons, introducing me to ethiopian, pad thai, oysters...
5. how to play backgammon and cribbage, play fur elise on the piano, correctly store a sleeping bag, to load my ipod, and to raise the bar of my scrabble game
6. that condiments are an essential food group
7. lots of interesting stuff about rocks and the earth (as he was a geology major)
8. about the committment, desire and drive it takes to be a triathelete, and what a rush it is being his cheerleader
9. headlamps make perfect reading lights
10. to clean less and enjoy life more

10 things we are learning together:
1. to make more time for one another, talking, being, listening, laughing
2. finding a great babysitter is a must
3. working on ourselves as individuals makes us better as a couple
4. being the best parents we can be
5. to be smarter with our money
6. forgiveness
7. that our relationship is the foundation of our family
8. that we can overcome anything because we already have
9. being seperate and giving space is often as important as being together
10. that love will always hold us